Queen Elizabeth was one of the longest-reigning monarchs of all time, and she always looked like she disapproved of everything happening around her. But under her perma-scowl, she was actually quite a funny woman. She had that dry British sense of humor that made her great at deadpanned one-liners. It was even funnier to see the Queen crack a joke because of who she was. She was this serious figurehead of the UK and the Commonwealth — and yet she'd happily roast people with a sick burn.
To be fair, she wasn't always joking around. She took her job seriously and has accomplished so since she ascended the throne in 1952. But she managed to find little moments of levity in her day-to-day duties. Perhaps she's where Prince William gets his own sense of humor from.
Here are 15 of the Queen's best jokes.
What's the Date?
Always working, the Queen even had an engagement on her 72nd wedding anniversary in 2019. While at the Royal Institute of International Affairs, she signed the guest book and jokingly asked what the date was, knowing full well it was November 20 — her anniversary with Prince Philip. Perhaps she just wanted to remind everyone else of her dedication to be working on that day.
Do You Know Who I Am?
Reportedly, the Queen got into a fight with her mother once where her mom snapped, "Who do you think you are?" The ever-clever monarch retorted, "The Queen, mummy. The Queen."
Well, it's kind of hard to argue with that. We imagine most people lost fights with the Queen once she was coronated.
Mocking President George W. Bush
President George W. Bush once accidentally said that the Queen had celebrated America's bicentennial in 1776 — when he meant 1976. The Queen poked fun at the moment in her speech later, saying, "I wondered whether I should start this toast by saying, 'When I was here in 1776 …'"
Waiting for Prince George
The Queen was among the many people who were left waiting for Prince George to be born when Kate Middleton's labor took longer than anyone expected. Someone asked the Queen if she wanted Kate to have a boy or a girl, and according to Hello! magazine, the Queen responded, "I don't really mind. I hope it arrives soon because I'm going on holiday."
Amazing.
Not Egg-actly What She'd Expected
On one of her trips to New Zealand, some unhappy citizens threw eggs at the Queen as a form of protest. She later referenced the incident, joking, "New Zealand has long been renowned for its dairy produce, though I should say that I myself prefer my New Zealand eggs for breakfast." She's so witty to come up with these one-liners.
Not Getting Recognized
The Queen was one of the most famous women in the world, but she reportedly wasn't recognized by a group of tourists while at her Balmoral country home. The group asked if she'd ever met the Queen, and Her Majesty pointed to her protection officer and said, "No, but this policeman has."
Good one!
Horse Show Flub
The Queen had a similar experience at the Windsor Horse Show one year when a guard didn't recognize her and almost didn't permit her entry.
"Sorry, love. You can't come in without a sticker," he said. The Queen answered, "I think if you check, I will be allowed to come in!" And do you know what? She was.
Close Enough
According to the book The Wicked Wit of Queen Elizabeth, on another occasion in Scotland, she was told that she looked just like the Queen. Instead of making a scene where she pointed out that she was in fact the Queen, Her Majesty replied, "How reassuring."
She's got such an impressive dry wit!
Great Observation
The same Wicked Wit of Queen Elizabeth book reported that Her Majesty was not a big fan of Niagara Falls when she visited Canada. "It looks very damp," the Queen reportedly said of the epic waterfall attraction.
Well, she's not wrong there. Leave it to Elizabeth to make a joke about the extremely obvious.
Wardrobe Choices
Whenever she ventured out, the Queen was almost always wearing some sort of blindingly bright outfit. According to royal biographer Robert Hardman, the reason she did so was simple. "I [can't] ever wear beige because nobody will know who I am," she reportedly said.
If her country attire means anything, that might have been true.
An Assassination Attempt?
At the 2016 Chelsea Flower Show, the Queen learned that lily of the valley can be used as a poison. "I've been given two bunches this week. Perhaps they want me dead," the Queen reportedly deadpanned in return.
Of course not, Lilibet! It's just a pretty flower. Meghan Markle even had them in her wedding bouquet.
Heavy Is the Crown
A couple of years ago, the Queen got a chance to see her coronation crown again, and all she could talk about was how heavy it was.
"It weighs a ton," she said, picking up the priceless item without even wearing gloves. "I don't suppose you've seen it much?" she was asked. "No, I haven't. Thank goodness," she replied.
Ceremonial Cake Cutting
In June 2021, the Queen insisted on using a large ceremonial sword to cut a cake before a meeting with G7 leaders. She struggled a bit with the large weapon and was offered a knife instead. But the stubborn Queen persisted.
"It's more unusual," she said when asked why she was forgoing the knife.
Group Photo
When Her Majesty later posed for a photo with leaders at the G7 Summit, she cracked a droll joke about whether she was supposed to smile or not. "Are you supposed to look as if you're enjoying it?" she asked.
Then-Prime Minister Boris Johnson answered, "We have been enjoying ourselves, despite appearances."
Still Alive
When the Queen — who lived to the incredible age of 96 — met with some people a few years ago, one of them politely asked her how she was doing. Instead of the canned response of something like, "Fine, how are you?" the Queen answered that she was "still alive."
Too funny!
