As someone who is in the process of moving from one big city to another, I have been looking at a whole lot of houses and watching a whole lot of House Hunters to get myself in the mood. To say it has been an education is an understatement.
We happen to be looking in particularly expensive parts of the country, but one thing I am finding, especially in parts of the country where you can get a 3,000-square-foot house for under $700K, is that a lot of men expect a "man cave."
Just what is a man cave? Apparently, it's a place where men collect sports memorabilia, watch sports, fart, and drink beer, among other "manly pursuits," while women tend to the washing and the sewing in their part of the house. OK, I am kidding on the latter part of that, but seriously, WTF, people?
A "man cave" is annoying for a lot of reasons. First, why does a man think he needs an "escape"? Is family life really so dreadful that he needs a separate space to get away from it and be a "man"?
To me, this model of family life is really repugnant. As a mom, I believe if my kids saw daddy retreating to his "man cave," they would get three messages:
1.) Daddy is not happy
2.) Men and women can't co-exist well
and
3.) Only men pursue sports or TV or whatever thing the man cave is centered around.
I am trying to raise my kids to believe that men and women are equal. I want them to have a marriage that is a partnership and full of love and none of those things can exist when a man needs a place to "escape."
Sure, we all need private space. He can have his office and I can have mine. He can have his closet and I can have mine. But when it comes to decorating decisions and housing options, my husband and I are equal partners. I won't force some frilly lampshade down his throat (as if I would even like that), and he doesn't get to fill a portion of our home with pennants and beer-soaked recliners.
It's just a sad commentary on the way men and women co-exist and live together, and I refuse to be a part of it. I also know that if a woman tells me her husband has a "man cave" and she says it in that sweet, long suffering way — "boys will be boys, after all!" — that tells me something about her marriage. And about her.
So, no. We will not be buying a house with a "man cave," and yes, this message has been vetted and approved by my husband, who will enjoy his very own office in our new home.
Do you think a "man cave" is annoying?
Image via jared/Flickr
