"I knew when I knew." We've all heard this saying about men, haven't we? Usually it's told to us from a happily married friend who is essentially saying, I just knew when I had a keeper. But can a person tell when they've caught a man who isn't a keeper, after all? Maybe it's something about the way he acts or makes us feel, but sometimes we aren't sure when a beau is meant to be. Love signs can be confusing!
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What these, as Bridget Jones would call them, "smug marrieds" are quick to forget is that sometimes it can be hard to tell if the guy is a keeper or not. And what if a guy felt like a keeper before, but then it didn't work out? Maybe we don't even know what a keeper looks like! Well, take a deep breath and keep calm. We put together a list that can help the helpless who are maybe a little confused when it comes to love. We have been in relationships both bad and good and when we said, "I don't," these were the tiny signs that we received that this was not the guy for us. Take from our age and experience, young grasshopper!
Here are just a few of the telltale signs that fish should be thrown back into the sea.
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He Won't Buy You Feminine Products
A real man will buy you tampons in an emergency. And an even bigger man knows that having your period is not a mark of shame or a reason to avoid you and your lady parts for an entire week. Anyone who won't so much as pick up a pack of panty liners for you isn't worth your time.
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Now, whether or not he knows the difference between panty liners and maxi pads is another issue …
He Smells Weird
Does he not do his laundry, ever? Does he not shower? Or brush his teeth? Guys who aren't into hygiene, at all, have something weird going on and I don't care how kindhearted and selfless they are. You don't have to put up with that. Being clean is a courtesy.
He Insults Other Women
You're flattered because he thinks every other woman is a stupid slut? Don't be. He's a misogynist. If he's not a friend to womankind, he's no friend of yours.
He's Rude to Wait Staff
Exactly zero women are impressed when a man is rude to wait staff or other service workers. Yuck! So not cool.
He Never Laughs at Your Jokes
And you don't laugh at his jokes. If you're not laughing together, you've got a long, long, long road ahead of you.
A LONG road.
He Has a Short Fuse
We're not talking in the bedroom. If he loses his temper quickly over little things, run. Let him sort out his anger issues on his own time. You do not need to make curing him your mission in life — don't you have better things to do with your time?
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He Abuses Dogs
NOT COOL! Guys who abuse animals get disqualified immediately.
He Blames Everyone for Everything
Is the world out to get him? Is he a helpless victim to life's every cruelty? Is everything everyone else's fault, every time? Do you find yourself apologizing when you're not even sure what you did wrong? Stop. He's the sorry one. Real men accept responsibility.
He Posts More Selfies Than You Do
Hopefully you're not a selfie-addict yourself! But when guys post a lot of selfies, you really have to wonder. Um, vain much? Still trolling for women? What???
He Never Makes Plans With You
If you're the one setting all the dates and initiating plans, if he bails at the last minute, or shows up late, or shows up grudgingly, let this one go. He's not into you.
He Acts Like an International Spy
Does he disappear for days on end? Does he fail to respond to your emails or messages or calls with no explanation? Either he's CIA or he's a player juggling you with 10 other women. Either way, you should cut him off.
He Will Not Return the Favor
I think we all know what favor I'm talking about. If you're providing him with oral pleasure, he darn well better be reciprocating. For that matter, steer clear of any guy who never even notices whether or not you climax. Any man who refuses to go there is not a grownup and does not deserve to enjoy grown-up sex.
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