Relationships are difficult. Even when we love someone with our whole heart, there are still days we don't like them. Even the strongest partnerships have off days. We're not talking about the days that we have big, relationship-defining fights, though those happen — we're talking about the minor everyday annoyances that build up over time.
Sometimes reminding ourselves about how kind our partner is, always quick to take the trash out when it's raining or text us GIFs from The Office when they know we're having a crummy day, is enough. Other times no matter how much we remind ourselves that they were the ones that handled corpse removal when the cat brought in that dead bird as a present (and for that we're eternally grateful), it's still not enough to grant forgiveness for the 900th time they "forget" to rinse out their cereal bowl. Seriously, those little corn flakes somehow turn into cement when left in the sink! We've sacrificed more than one fresh manicure using our nails to pry the flake-turned-glue off the side of the bowl. Aside from daydreaming ridiculous divorce fantasies where we leave and they are never able to use a bowl sans breakfast debris stuck to the side in the wake of our absence, what's a person to do? Well, petty revenge is the answer.
It may seem mean, and yes we fully admit it is, but sometimes your partner is just so annoying you need to do a little something to relieve the tension. We would never really divorce them and rob them of a lifetime of clean vessels for Rice Krispies, but we may put all their socks away while they are still damp.
We wondered if it was just us that indulged in these hybrids of pranks and temper tantrums. It's not our best side, but it sure is satisfying to read about others' not-best-sides too. Inspired by our mother's admission that whenever she is really annoyed at my father she goes into his closet and buttons all the tiny buttons on the sleeves of his long-sleeve shirts so when he puts them on in the morning, his hands get stuck at the wrists. She is not alone in her pettiness, we also have engaged in the same sort of petty warfare.
After living with a partner for seven years, he still did not realize toilet paper does not just magically appear in the bathroom, so, I stopped buying it. Hiding rolls in old purses in the back of the closet only to be snuck in to the bathroom for my own personal use, I figured he'd finally realize that he needs to remember to buy toilet paper for once. Reader, he brought the paper towel roll into the bathroom (and I obviously lost my mind.)
But my mother and I are not alone in these tiny domestic wars, as is evident by these hilarious, relatable, and sometimes actually brilliant moments of pettiness shared on Facebook.
Boiling Mad
"One time my husband and I were fighting and he stormed off to our bedroom after starting a pot of water to make ramen. While he was out of the room, I’d put ice in the water to keep it from boiling. He’d check back in and it still wasn't boiling. He'd leave again and I’d dump it and refill it with cold water. This went on for over an hour. A very glorious hour."
Finders Keepers
"He used to have this annoying habit of taking off his wedding ring at night and leaving it around. I found it one day after he had already left for work, so I hid it away and about 10 days later pretended to only just notice and asked him where it was. He had been panicking for 10 full days."
We Stan a Legend
"I found out a college boyfriend was cheating. I took his 'secret' condom stash and peeled them all open, replaced them with finger cots (those little condoms for fingers) and sealed them back with an iron."
Cheeto Warfare
This answer popped up a lot. There are a lot of spouses with sabotaged diets out there.
"Anytime hubs was on a diet (and this was often), and pissed me off, I’d come home with all his favorite snacks 'for me.'"
At Least the Bathroom Is Clean
We appreciate taking rage cleaning to a whole new level.
"Sometimes when I'm mad at my husband, I use his loofah to clean the mildew in the shower."
Teed Off
"I was once mad at an ex who had an early tee time the next morning (I don't even remember why I was mad, so it couldn't have been that bad). He had set his golf clubs by the door that night to be ready to run out the door. I waited until he went to bed and hid each club in a different place. Some were easy, like in the shower. Others were harder to find, like behind the couch, behind the washer and dryer, deep in my closet, etc. I knew I'd be off to work before he headed out so I couldn't help him find them. It took months before he had a full set again."
Spoiler Alert
Warning Game of Thrones spoiler ahead. "We were arguing about something I can’t even remember now. So I got annoyed and told my partner Jon Snow dies. I had read all the books and Game of Thrones was still in its early seasons. He was legit mad at me for a while."
They're Greeeeeat
"My ex use to leave those little plastic dry cleaning clips all over the floor. I have a sweet little pug. After asking him NOT to leave them on the floor because I didn’t want my dog to eat them, he still did it. So I collected them for a few weeks and then put them in his cereal and shook it up. When he asked me 'WTF' I told him I rather he chokes on them than my beautiful little dog."
Stick a Fork in It
"My ex once told me, after buying everything, cooking, and serving him dinner, (we lived together and he was gaming as I shopped and cooked, for reference) 'You know I like to use a spoon with food like this,' because I gave him a fork. He was a grown ass, able-bodied man fully capable of walking to the drawer to get a spoon. I ordered sporks on Amazon and only ever gave him a spork after that."
Airing Dirty Laundry
"I realized I was the only one ever doing laundry, so I just started my own pile of dirty 'me' clothes and let his sit in the bin. I'd do a load here and there, but it was all my clothes… until one day he's like "WHY DON'T I HAVE ANY CLEAN UNDERWEAR???" Cut to me all coy: "Oh no? When was the last time you did laundry? It's probably all dirty *shrug.*"
Hit 'Em Where It Hurts
"Our cable boxes had cards that made them work. I took the cards out of the cable boxes and the batteries out of the remotes and left for the day. Sorry not sorry."
Turning Up the Heat
"After I moved out, I would wake up in the middle of the night every couple of days and turn the heat on using our smart thermostat from my phone, blast it for like three hours and then reset everything to normal before the morning. This was in the summer in Florida. It took him weeks to figure it out and change the password on the account."
Sock It to Me
"My husband used to leave his socks everywhere. I put his car keys in them, taped them to the wall, put them all in the fireplace, threw them in the backyard, threw them out, then, when I knew we were moving, I decorated a dwarf tree outside with them one day. He pretty much finally stopped but if he does it now, I just keep texting him photos of the socks from different angles all day."
A Little Bit of Everything
"I have hidden the remote, I have hidden his pillow and pulled off the sheets on his side when I storm off into bed before him … but the very worst is when I texted him a super important final game score while he is watching it delayed."
Cut It Out
"My ex would not cut the lawn even though we agreed he'd take over that part of the household duties. After repeatedly not holding up his end of the bargain, I turned my own house into code enforcement so he would be forced to do it! That worked!"
Heartwarming (But Still Petty)
"It’s not what I did that was petty, it was my husband. I had a terrible weeklong stomach virus and it was about to be Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have time to go out and get a card, so I asked him let’s not exchange cards this year. On Valentine’s Day, he handed me two cards, one to me from him. The second card he wrote to himself as me about why he’s so amazing. It was so petty and so funny all in one."
Food Fight
"After numerous fights with me saying, 'Stop saving leftovers if you’re not ever going to eat them,' one early morning I got fed up and dumped a whole Crock-Pot of pot roast and vegetables all over the windshield of his car. It was a glorious sight seeing him out there in front of the house, in his fancy suit, running late for work, trying to hose off that mess, using the nozzle of the hose to try and nudge the heavy bits off. God, it still makes me cackle."
Alexa Agrees
"My husband and I got into a fight about our Amazon Prime account, mostly because he was ordering stuff, forgetting the password to log in, then bugging me all day to check status, etc. I figured out how to create a new user under our family so I created him his own login … and set the name to 'Stupid Idiot.' I didn't tell him, just gave him the login info, which was his email. Like two weeks later, I finally asked him if he ever noticed anything because he never said anything about it to me. He was like 'holy sh*t that was you?!' Every time I logged on it would say "Welcome, Stupid Idiot" and I couldn't figure out why Amazon was being so rude to me.' I literally died laughing. Then, we couldn't figure out how to change the name so he is forever Stupid Idiot on our Prime account. Hopefully this is a lesson to him every time he logs on that his wife is petty and will stoop to all the levels to get back at him."
Don't Get Your Panties in a Bunch
"Well, this was a time I was petty not to my partner, but my brother. He was bugging me to hem a pair of shorts for him. I worked full time and had teenage twins so I was busy all the time. He pestered me so much about these stupid shorts that I dug out my sewing machine, had a couple of shots of tequila and I sewed one leg closed! Hehehe. He went to put them on and nearly broke his neck!"
Supermarket Satisfaction
"If I am at the supermarket and my husband texts me for something and he is annoying me, I say 'yes' and never get it. When he asks me about it when I come home and I tell him I didn’t feel like it. Then I laugh. Try it. It’s satisfying."
