Getting engaged should be exciting; it's the first step to spending the rest of your life with someone you love. But what if you found out that your fiancé was dishonest in his proposal? This was exactly the case for one bride-to-be, who learned the engagement ring her man had bought her was not a real diamond, and when she asked him about it, he totally blew her off. Now she wants to end the whole relationship over his deceit, but is she wrong?
The angry bride-to-be explained that she only realized her ring was fake when she went to get the bling insured before the wedding.
In a letter written to advice columnist Natalie Bencivenga, the anonymous bride shared that she was mortified when the jeweler told her that her ring was made with a cubic zirconium. "I was truly embarrassed," she wrote.
"My fiancé had surprised me with the ring and I cannot believe that he did this," she continued. "When I confronted him about it, he just shrugged it off, saying a real diamond ring that size would’ve cost him a small fortune and what’s the difference, anyway?"
Then he told her that the ring looks real and if no one can tell the difference, her "girlfriends will never know."
"I don’t think he understands why I’m upset," she wrote. "I am upset because I feel lied to. I am ready to call the whole thing off. What do you think I should do?"
Columinst Natalie Bencivenga agreed: This was a pretty awful thing for her fiancé to do.
"File this under 'bride-to-be-worst-nightmare,'" Bencivenga wrote in her response. "Having your engagement ring turn out to be a fake is not exactly the way you want to start a life together."
Bencivenga argued that some might call the bride "shallow" or "materialistic," but "the symbol of what this ring stands for is important."
"This is a symbol of your love and commitment to one another. To have it be a fake may make you feel as though your relationship is a fraud, too," she wrote. "Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with a cubic zirconium. It’s the fact that he didn’t tell you that it wasn’t a diamond."
The columnist added that it was deceptive for the bride's fiancé to allow her to believe the gem was real. "I wouldn’t want to start a life with someone who is so willing to lie to me to make things easier on himself. What else could he be lying to you about?" she wrote.
"I would think long and hard where to go from here. Personally, I would be edging towards the door."
But some people really disagreed with this advice. Many women wrote in that they would feel no shame rocking a cubic zirconium.
One person wrote that her ring has never been a problem. "My engagement ring has a CZ in it," she wrote. "We always said we'd upgrade it, but we're almost two decades in. Other things have been more important. We have a real marriage. I don't need a real expensive ring to prove it to anyone."
"Did he actually say it was a diamond, or did you just assume it was?" another person wrote. "Who cares what it is, they all look the same. All your friends might have CZ rings for all you know."
And someone else found this advice off-putting. "I don't buy the whole "symbolism" (expletive). If your ring is a symbol of your commitment, then any stone will do. Or better yet, none at all. You definitely sound high-maintenance," the person commented.
But other people thought her fiancé was to blame. He never should have tried to pass the ring off as real in the first place.
Someone commented that although they believe that wedding rings are overpriced, "he should have told you and not shrugged it off as no big deal. Imagine how he would handle conflict and important matters in your marriage bigger than the ring. Re-evaluate your relationship at this point."
And another person agreed. "That he blew her off just makes you wonder," she wrote. "Take your time and think about it. Tell him it isn't just about the ring being a fake it is his deception. If he scoffs at you, tries & turn it on you or calls you any name then reconsider the relationship."
"He was intentionally deceitful," someone else wrote. "He even allowed you to go get the ring insured, fully knowing that you'd be embarrassed and he'd be 'found out' yet he didn't fess up ahead of time. Lying by omission is still lying — and I'd really consider if that's someone you want to spend the rest of your life with."
