Kids don't come with an off switch. We wouldn't have it any other way. But sometimes, you just need a rest. Not from any of the important stuff like hugging, kissing owies, reading bedtime stories, and explaining life. But definitely from the Elf on the Shelf.
It seemed like such a fun idea! Every night the little guy moves to another funny spot and proves he's magical. In the morning, the kids are thrilled!
Every night! After you worked, put dinner on the table, engaged in healthful activities, supervised a bath, read a bedtime story, cleaned up …
Every. Night.
If you have ever considered packing Elf a travel bag, handing him a map, and sending him home to Santa, we have some ideas for you.
"I'll be back tomorrow" -- Elf
An airmail letter from the North Pole ($3.94) explains why there is no Elf on a Shelf today. It's not that mom fell asleep before she could think of something clever to do with him. No! It's because "someone" accidentally touched him, which of course puts him right in the hospital.
This is deliciously passive aggressive, and you should keep one in your back pocket to print out on that inevitable day when you fail to keep up with the magic.
Just act puzzled and say it came in the mail. There will be no bubble bursting. Not on your watch! This is your "get out of jail free" card.
When one day off isn't gonna do it
Want to take an entire week off from the Elf? This is your letter ($2.50). No one is to blame here. Poor Elf just has a cold, and he went home to let Mrs. Santa nurse him back to health.
Delightfully vague about when Elf will be returning from his sick time, this digital letter (you print these out) gives you as much time as you need.
You might eventually have to deal with some fallout from the idea that candy cures a cold, but that's worth it for a tiny vacation from the Elf, right?
He needed Elf Dust! Genius!
This Recovery Kit ($6) has thought through all the contingencies.
There is no implication that Mrs. Santa has to do all the emotional work of caring for Elf. You can't be pinned down on when he will back. The cure is "Elf Dust," which circumvents all questions about why you couldn't take care of Elf and why you don't cure child illnesses with candy.
It also comes with a recovery certificate in case anyone is worried that Elf, upon his return, will pass his unnamed illness on to other toys or people.
All the legal documents an Elf needs
Adoption certificates, Elf warning signs, daily reminders for kids who are trying to stay on the good side of an Elf, reports from the North Pole. This is, essentially, a Nolo Legal Book for Elf Owners ($11.90). It's every document you could ever possibly need, ready to print out. It will save you hours of desktop publishing work. Everything is — presumably — spelled correctly, edited, designed, and ready to go.
All the Elf correspondence you'll ever need
Got an Elf? Then you'll need some of this. Why not get it all at once ($3.99)? There are letters, report cards, explanations of absence, blank letters you can use for anything, and much more. And it's all editable in your browser so you can log on, deal with today's Elf event, print it out, and move on.
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