Two years ago, Reddit lost its mind over the infamous poop knife story — aka the story that one man shared about a rusty old knife his family used to "cut" down their oversized poops so they'd go down the toilet more smoothly. (Shudder.) But now, people online are freaking out about another poop-related story that may as well be its sequel. Earlier this week, a man on Reddit shared that his girlfriend recently discovered his pair of "poop gloves" — and MAN, was this quite a tale …
The man's dirty little secret was discovered when he recently moved in with his girlfriend, who he calls Sophia.
At the time of his post, they'd only been living together for about a week. But already "we're learning a lot about each other," he shared.
"Today she came out of the bathroom and said 'Hey, what's with the Marigolds in the bathroom?'" he recalled. "'They're always there, are they yours?'"
(FYI — Marigolds are a brand of latex glove, in case you didn't know.)
Without thinking, the boyfriend replied, "Yeah, don't touch them, they're my poop gloves."
That's right -- poop gloves. Now just let that sink in for a minute ...
For some context, the man offered Reddit a bit of backstory: "These are a pair of yellow cleaning gloves (the types you'd wash your dishes with) that I keep on the highest shelf in the bathroom, she can't even reach it. I've had them, and other pairs, for a lot of my life. I put them on every time I go to the toilet."
OK got it? Now, back to our story.
His girlfriend was (understandably) in disbelief, and asked him to repeat himself.
Apparently, the man's mom had given him the gloves as a "quick fix" to keep the eczema on his hands bacteria-free when using the bathroom.
"When I was younger, they would crack and bleed after washing them, so my Mum bought me some gloves and told me to wear them when I wee/poo, and take them off before I leave," he explained. "I called them my Poop Gloves and the name stuck."
Hmmm … that sure is one way to solve the problem.
But Sophie wasn't exactly hopping on this whole poop gloves train.
"Sophie is disgusted that I don't wash my hands," the man continued. "She doesn't want them in the house, but it's something I've always done and I really can't be arsed with getting back eczema again. I think she's being unreasonable."
Right out of the gate, Reddit commenters wanted nothing to do with the man's "messy" situation.
"I have extremely severe eczema on my hands," one commenter chimed in. "He should be covering his hands in Vaseline and gloves after he washes them. The poop gloves are unnecessary and unsanitary."
"While your reasoning is understandable it’s still highly unsanitary to keep and repeatedly use a pair of gloves," a second person agreed. "Every time you put them on, you’re touching them, and they are potentially poopy. Then they are stored in your bathroom. I understand her being grossed out."
"This is disgusting," wrote another person. "Your poop gloves are transferring fecal matter to other parts of your bathroom. And even if you wear gloves you need to still wash your hands."
For the record, the man did later chime in to say that he does in fact give his poop gloves a scrub from time to time. (So take that, haters.)
"I always rinse them off, usually with soap but not every time," he explained. "They don't leave the bathroom so I'm not as thorough as I would be with my hands if I'm honest. Always soap after a poo for sure though."
But despite the pushback, there were a few people who could see the power of a poop glove.
"Keep the gloves, for obvious reasons," the person wrote. "You've found something that works for you."
Still, at least one person told him he should have told his girlfriend about them sooner.
"What if she used then to clean something and used harsh cleaners?" the person asked. "That could have been bad for your pooper if you came into contact with the chemical."
"Your reasons are sound for wearing the gloves and even if they weren’t your practice is harmless," another person added. "I’m not sure how clean the gloves themselves are though so Sophie may have a point. Unless you wash them after you use them they’re likely filthy. Either wash them or consider disposable gloves."
After seeing the reaction to his story online, the man ultimately came to the conclusion that maybe it was time to try something new.
"This is just a weird thing my Mum started to help me a bit when I was 8 because it got really bad," he explained. "I feel like there’s no way to really explain it to anyone else that would properly make sense because it’s a bit [expletive] weird however you look at it. It’s just something I know helps, so I’d be nervous to stop it.
"I do get how my girlfriend finds it disgusting though, and I don’t want her to feel like that about me," he added. "Like there’s a reason my mates don’t know about the [expletive] POOP GLOVES. Because it’s weird as [expletive]."
But in the end, he was open to everyone's advice, and said he'd "speak to the doctor and see if there’s anything else we can try."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
