We can all agree our younger selves made some serious mistakes. But every now and then, our young selves get it right, and end up making decisions that lead to a fulfilled and loving life — but it's hard to know for sure in the moment. That's why one son turned to his parents for advice on whether he should try to make a long-distance relationship work with his girlfriend when he leaves for college in the fall.
And while mom is encouraging him to try and make it work, dad has some other feelings — mainly because he regretted doing something similar with his own wife.
"He asked his mom and me what we thought he should do, and for a long time I refused to advise him," the dad wrote.
"His mother/my wife, on the other hand, has encouraged him to stay with his girlfriend, even though I asked her to remain impartial."
Even though the father gave him high-level generalized opinions, he wouldn't specifically advise his son. But the boy was insistent on hearing his dad's opinion, and when dad opened up, it wasn't exactly "pretty."
"To make a long story short, we were high school sweethearts," the father explained.
"…but in many ways I regret choosing to make a commitment to my wife when we were so young. We had a similar issue. I applied to graduate schools and ended up getting offers from schools in NY and LA which I really liked. I would have probably attended one, but my wife did not want to move to either place, which forced me to choose. I have always wondered how my life would have gone had I chosen a different path."
The dad freely admitted all of this to his son, and "advised him to think about if he wants that hanging over him while he is away at school."
He went on to say:
"To be tied down like this during the best years of his life is going to give him a very different college experience and probably limit him in many ways. I did not tell him he should break up, but I did strongly urge him to consider if he is prepared to make that sacrifice and end up like me wondering what he missed out on."
Unfortunately, one of his daughters overheard his exchange and relayed the information to his wife.
"My wife has taken this very hard (and so have my daughters), but I don't think what I said was wrong," the father confessed. "I don't think I am wrong for wanting our son to avoid the same. He has many plans which are not compatible with what his girlfriend wants (she is a local girl like my wife and probably will never want to leave our town or explore the world), so either he is going to end up fighting her over this and feeling bad because he wants to experience life or things will ultimately not work out. If the latter is the case, it is better to end it now so that at least he can enjoy college."
People were put off by the dad's cavalier attitude.
"I honestly hate when parents talk about their regrets in life when those regrets directly relate to the existence of the children," one person flatly stated. "OP's [original poster's] children wouldn’t exist if he hadn’t stayed with his wife. Imagine hearing from your dad that he regrets staying with your mum and thinks about how his life could’ve need different if he broke up with her. To any kid that sounds like ‘I sometimes wish you didn’t exist’ like why would you say that to your child?"
Although some think that this advice is the dose of reality "society" needs to hear in general.
"How will people ever learn and not continue to make the same mistakes then," questioned one user. "Everyone acts like getting married and having children EARLY is the best thing ever even when it absolutely is not for most people. If no one is honest about that, people will keep doing it. Everyone needs to get real and stop thinking that they were all the 100% best thing to happen ever to their parents."
But mostly, people thought there was a classier way to give him this perspective.
"You don’t criticize the action, you challenge the logic and assumptions behind the action, and help someone think through the consequences of the action," said one user. "Get them to unpick why they want to go ahead with it.In some cases, getting married early works. In other cases, it doesn’t. If he’s doing it because he loves her deeply, and wants a future with her, and is willing to put the work in, great. If he’s just going along with what she wants because he’s too afraid to challenge the status quo, not great. Don’t tell people what decision to make. Give them the perspectives and tools needed for them to make their own decision."
Only time will tell if this family can recover from dad's brutal honestly.
