Unfortunately, there is still a huge stigma in dating someone who is significantly older or younger. Especially for women, people tend to judge if you're dating someone 10 years (or more) your junior. But what's for sure is that the people of Reddit did not find it amusing that one man has been lying to his older wife about his age for their entire marriage — making it seem that he was a good five years older than he actually was.
The man met his wife during the start of his senior year of college.
In a now deleted post on the r/relationships subreddit, he explained that he met her when he was 20 and on a flight home from visiting his parents.
"She's a flight attendant, and I was pretty cocky, flirting with her the entire flight," he wrote. "When I saw her getting off the plane behind passengers, I asked her to have lunch with me in the airport food court and was surprised when she said yes."
He told her that he was 25 and still in college. She joked that he "looked young."
In turn, he was shocked to learn that she was 31 "and she jokingly confirmed I was indeed young."
By chance, his now wife lived close to the airport they were chatting in. And then one thing lead to another…
"I ended up going back to her place that night and we've been together since."
He never planned to get so serious, so quickly.
So he figured it was no big deal that he'd lied about his age.
"I know, it's horrible but I was young and dumb," he admitted. But he decided to maintain the lie anyway. They fell in love quickly and by the time he graduated they were living together and engaged.
"It was easy to hide my lie about my age, my parents live in Ireland, my wife has absolutely no social media, and at the time we got married I had very few friends," he noted.
He went to great lengths to keep his real age hidden from his wife.
When they eloped, he took care of the paperwork for their marriage license. At the time his wife believe he was 26.
"We now have two children with a third on the way," he wrote. "I have a successful engineering career, my wife is still a flight attendant. We've moved to another part of the US, the majority of my friends who I socialize with on a regular basis think I'm 30."
His lies have even kept him from his family out of fear that they'll tell his wife the truth.
He hasn't even renewed his passport because his wife has him on her flight benefits at work and "I'm so terrified she'll notice my birthdate."
"I'm hyper vigilant about never leaving my wallet laying around, so she won't see my driver's license," he added.
The many years of lying has really started to take a toll on him.
He's sick of worrying that his wife will find out.
"I'm shocked I've made it this long," he confessed. "I miss my parents and brothers terribly, and I can't make excuses anymore on why we haven't visited them."
The problem is, he's almost positive his wife will leave him once she learns the truth.
And he can't seem to find the right words to tell her that he's been lying to her for the past five years "without her never trusting me again, taking our children, and going to live with her parents."
"I'm also going to have to deal with the social fallout of losing the majority of my support system — all the friendships I've cultivated as an adult, my wife's brothers who I'm incredibly close to, and her parents," he added. "Is there anyway to go about telling her without totally blowing up my marriage?"
First things first, the OP needs to tell his wife the truth ASAP.
"Well…you can't not tell her," one commenter wrote. "The fact that you've been hiding such a massive detail from her through dating and marriage is absolutely going to rock the boat and have some pretty intense effects on her ability to trust you, but if she finds out in any way other than you sitting her down and telling her, it'll be worse."
"What's really shocking me over this is not only have you been lying to your wife for years, but you cut off your family, severing those relationships, just to cover your lie. That's…insane," someone else agreed. "I think your situation is one you need to discuss with a therapist. They should also be able to serve as a mediator as you break the news to your wife."
"You just well, have to," a third commenter agreed. "This has affected a ton of your life. You don't go see your family because of this lie."
And unfortunately for the man, we agree. Eventually his wife will need to see his age — what if he gets injured and she needs to make decisions about his health? — so he needs to fess up to his mistake.
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