There are two rules for wedding guests that everyone needs to read and engrave into the back of their brains: 1) never wear white and 2) never, ever, get engaged at someone else's affair. These two no-nos should be common sense, but unfortunately, they aren't followed by everyone! On Reddit, one woman is in a huge pickle because her friend broke rule two and her wedding photographer happened to capture the big moment as she was getting engaged. But that's not even the worst part. Now the bride is wondering what she should do.
It all happened last fall.
The Original Poster (OP) didn't have a huge budget for a wedding photographer, she explained in her post, and photos were something that she really didn't want to skip.
"Where I live, fall means the trees are changing colors. So the wedding pictures are to die for," she wrote.
Luckily, the OP had a friend of a friend who was willing to take the pictures for a low price.
Her friend was talented, she was within her budget, and the woman was a "total sweetheart."
"The only thing is, for what she charges, and since it's more of a hobby, you'll get your pictures when you'll get them," she continued. "Well, I got them. And now I need to know if what I'm about to do falls in a–hole territory."
You see, the wedding happened and it was wonderful. But a few days later, a friend mentioned to OP that she's engaged.
"I was ecstatic and wanted to know everything," she wrote.
In fact, it turns out that her friend got engaged fairly recently — at the OP's wedding.
"My brain gets out of its vegetative state and I remember her table being way too excited at some point but I blamed the alcohol," she continued.
The OP wasn't thrilled when she learned the truth.
Her friend had both gotten engaged at her wedding and, instead of hiding it, had the audacity to share the news with all of their other friends during the party.
"It was a tough pill to swallow but I figured, whatever, it's not like I even realized what was happening," she continued.
She tried to explain her feelings, but her friend didn't seem to get why she's upset.
"Until I put it into perspective for her," she continued. "Asking her how she would feel if I made a big announcement at her wedding, taking the attention away from her big moment. In my friends' mind, it's no longer the day I got married, it's now also the day she got engaged."
On the OP's dime no less.
"We eventually turned the page and I thought it was over," she wrote.
But that was until she found out another little tidbit that makes letting go even harder.
The OP and her wedding photographer have gotten closer since the wedding. Now that they're tight, she told the OP about something that went on during her wedding reception behind her back.
"During the evening, the wedding party took a break to go change, and during that time my photographer was taking pictures of foliage and the venue," the OP recalled. "My friend apparently asked her to take pictures of her and her boyfriend." The photographer thought it was completely fine seeing as how the OP and her husband weren't back yet and she needed to take photos of the guests anyway.
"That's until she realized they were engagement pictures. Some poses just don't leave place to interpretation," she wrote.
"She point blank told me that now that we are closer, she feels comfortable asking me what to do with my friend's pictures because it makes her really uncomfortable," she added.
She wondered if the OP wanted an "accident" to happen to the engagement photos.
The OP wasn't sold on the idea, however. She told the photographer to put the engagement pictures in a separate folder, but she's still not clear on what she should do about them.
"My friend has been asking about my wedding pictures periodically but [hasn't] asked about her pictures specifically. It was easy when I didn't have them but now I do," she wrote.
The bride really just wants to delete the folder "since they are my property anyway."
"But I don't want to be a major a–hole either," she wrote. "Before you say it, I do realize I haven't forgiven her at all like I initially thought."
To some people there was no question -- her friend didn't deserve those engagement photos.
"NTA [Not the a–hole], people need to learn not to do this [expletive]. Have her delete them," one commenter advised.
"Charge her for the photos. It was tacky to get engaged at the wedding, but extra shifty to ask for the photos on your dime," someone else wrote.
"[W]ait till she asks and then tell her that yeah you got your wedding pics and if she wants her engagement pics she can ask the photographer friend about the price for those and pay her share because you're not paying for HER engagement pics she let YOUR hired photographer take at YOUR wedding," a third person chimed in. "Her engagement pics are not your responsibility, also your photographer friend deserves to get paid for her work and should sell them to her."
A few people thought the OP should just let bygones be bygones and hand over the photos.
She would be the jerk, on commenter wrote. "Everyone on Reddit seems to have a b-ner for revenge. Regardless of context, you are destroying an important memory of one of your 'friends.' This isn't something a friend would do, even if they were wrong to have the photos taken. There are better ways to handle this."
Yes, you would be the a–hole, someone else explained. "Your friend didn't 'make an announcement.' She got engaged and the only ones who knew were the folks at the table she was sitting at when it happened. Also, she tried to be discrete and didn't say anything to the photographer either. It sounds to me like she was excited but was still trying to keep it low key for your sake."
"The photos are whatever to me," another person commented. "The photographer is paid to be there. I don’t think that comes with a limited amount of photos she can take, so why not just be nice and give them to her? It doesn’t sound like she planned on disrupting your day, or that she actually disrupted it.
"She specifically chose a time to get a few photos taken when everybody else was distracted," the person continued. "Your friend was being considerate literally the entire time."
Later in the thread, the OP clarified that her friend never asked the photographer to discreetly take the photos.
"It just unfolded in front of her eyes and then it was awkward for her to stop them," she wrote.
Her photographer felt bad, but figured it was something the OP could figure out later — until the two became friends and she realized she'd made a huge mistake.
"She knows how much time my husband and I spent saving for this big day," the OP shared. "She even said it kinda stressed her to the point where she wasn't sure if she would do weddings again."
Ultimately, the OP realized that the photos didn't cost her extra money, nor are her memories of the day "tarnished."
"I do feel used," she continued. "Like, they used my venue which we saved for for a long time and my photographer which I lucked out on honestly because they normally cost you your first born."
But she's still not clear on the right answer.
"I want to be the bigger person but it's really hard in this case," she wrote. "I feel used and sort of betrayed."
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