Just like any other part of a healthy sex life, there is nothing with taking a little time to properly get to know yourself. We're talking about the m-word here, people — masturbation. It's nothing to feel ashamed of, unless you're the fiancé of one woman who definitely wants her to feel bad about having a ménage à moi. In fact, he's forbidden her from touching herself — but she thinks he has no right telling her what to do.
According to the 24-year-old woman who posted, her 29-year-old fiancé is morally against masturbation.
They've been together for a year and a half and he's always known that she doesn't feel the same way, she explained in a post on r/relationship advice. Conversely, she does respect her fiancé's beliefs and doesn't pressure him on things when it comes to sex.
Recently, he's told her that he doesn't want her to explore her own body anymore.
He even went as far as to tell her that he couldn't have a relationship with her if she continues to engage in solo time.
"This is not something I do with any type of frequency, but I do not think my fiancé has the right to tell me what to do with my body," she wrote.
She told him it was not his call to tell her what to do with her body.
She felt that he was being controlling "and that he wanted to make it so that only he could touch my body, not even myself."
"He then said that I do not love him and do not care about him because I would not agree to this request," she added. "He let me know if I felt the urge he would be happy to help me out."
That wasn't the answer she was looking for.
She thought he was being "insecure, controlling, and manipulative."
He believes it's the same thing as asking her not to sleep with other people.
Not even herself.
"He then said that it was no different than me saying I did not want him to start smoking, that I was controlling him," she continued.
He's never been this controlling in the past.
Except for a few times when he told her that her outfit was making him "uncomfortable."
"He has commented that some of my outfits are to get attention and he does [not] want other men looking at me when I am at clubs or bars with friends. Which I would get, but I do not think I dress inappropriately," she added.
The comments section was in agreement -- there is nothing wrong with scratching her own personal itch.
"He is being controlling. This is not acceptable. It doesn’t matter if you do it or not, he has no business forbidding you from it," one person commented. "This is like him telling you you are not allowed to eat green beans. It is ridiculous. It has zero impact on your relationship. You certainly aren’t stepping out if you were to indulge."
"This is definitely controlling behavior — he is denying your bodily autonomy. He also doesn't get to tell you what to wear when you go out," someone else agreed. "You also need to consider how much worse this might get in the future."
"You are not overreacting," a third person commented. "It's not for him to say what you can or cannot do with your own body and for him to even suggest that is creepy and controlling."
Other people agree that her body is sacred -- even when it comes to herself.
"In my opinion, it's not controlling. Sex is sacred in a relationship and it sounds like your fiancé values this aspect with you by not wanting you to do the act on your own," one person wrote in.
"Same with how you dress," the person continued. "As the woman, you want to show you respect your fiancé by not dressing in a way that draws the attention of other men. I'm not saying everything he's said in regards to it makes sense, but I totally understand those two aspects."
Someone else agreed. "I think it's reasonable for him to ask for you to abstain from that stuff, especially if he truly believes it's wrong. Chances are he's tempted much more, being a male, so if he's avoiding it, it really seems respectable for you to avoid it as well. Look at it from his point of view.
"It's possible he could view masturbation as a greedy thing, at least when you plan on marrying, since it generally could take away the time spent together intimately," the person continued. "Wanting you to get your sexual needs from him is normal and a healthy part of marriage."
A third person thought it wasn't that hard to comply with the request.
"I don't know where this 'masturbating is natural' came from but It's all myth and BS," the person wrote. "These urges can be controlled, needing to urinate can't. Some of y'all keep comparing these two things which is very dumb. If you can't control the need to masturbate get some help because there is something majorly wrong with you. Most of you might disagree but it's the truth."
No one has the right to dictate what someone can do with their body, and the OP needs to seriously consider if this is the last time her partner's going to try and control her sexuality — it probably won't be.
