With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I know we all have flowers and candy on the brain. Even if you’re solely celebrating the equally nice Galentine’s Day this year — the holiday of friendship — it’s still nice to receive a treat. But if you’re in a relationship, sending a Valentine's Day gift to someone else who isn’t your significant other can be seen as a no-no. Take it from one man, who learned the hard way that he can’t send his “work wife” flowers, no matter how well-intentioned his reason is, according to his ticked off girlfriend.
The Original Poster has a BFF at work, who just happens to be a woman and there’s nothing wrong with that — right?
Wrong — and his girlfriend would be the first person to tell you so.
“The woman in question and I are pretty close as the result of working next to each other for the past year,” the OP explained in a post on Reddit. “We joke that we're work spouses but nothing goes beyond that except for the occasional good morning text.”
Somehow, the two recently ended up talking about Valentine’s Day.
The OP’s bestie admitted that she’d never been sent a carnation in high school.
“This surprised me cause she's deada– a ten,” he wrote. “I told her how I only ever got white ones sent (symbolizing friendship) which was f—ing embarrassing and we both bonded over the disappointments and joked that being work spouses maybe we could get each other flowers this year.”
So the OP decided to do something about his friend's flowerless past and ordered her a bouquet of white carnations.
They were meant to symbolize friendship and nothing more, he wrote.
“The thing is I forgot to change the delivery date to a week later on a day my girlfriend wasn't home and they got delivered today. (Picking a day my girlfriend wasn't home IS NOT an admission of guilt. I Just knew she would overreact cause she's emotional and almost unbearably insecure at times),” he explained.
It all blew up in his face when the flowers arrived and his girlfriend quickly realized they weren’t for her.
The OP tried to explain the story behind the flower delivery and that white was a color for platonic friends — but his girlfriend was still in tears.
“I also told my girlfriend that I had super romantic plans for Valentine's Day for her and RED roses. But I can't get through to her,” he added.
Their girlfriend said the flowers counted as “emotional cheating.”
“Which I disagree with and all these other buzzwords chicks throw out on Twitter and I can't help but think she's blowing it way out of proportion,” he continued. “Me and my work friend have never done anything and I'm a dedicated boyfriend, but apparently one kind and thoughtful gesture to another woman makes me a monster?”
The OP is convinced this is the end of their relationship unless he admits he made a mistake.
“But I also feel like this is a matter of principle and that I'm the victim here,” he added. “Is she just being irrational, or am I being shortsighted?”
Commenters were not on the OP’s side for this one.
"This is what I feel like I just read…'I regularly flirt with an extremely hot woman at work. My GF doesn't feel great about this. Isn't she just so annoying and insecure? Tell me I'm a victim here and should not be expected to be considerate of the feelings of someone I've chosen to date.' [You're the A–hole] dude," wrote one commenter.
"I have a work husband. He has bought me hideous gag gifts. Not flowers. Because he is my friend. Not my husband," someone else pointed out.
"Your girlfriend is uncomfortable. I can see why<" the person continued. "[You're the A–hole] here and maybe it's time to review your feelings for both the work wife and girlfriend and figure out what you're actually doing here. My feeling is youre looking to us, The Internet, to assuage your own feelings of guilt. If so, why? Time to sort it out before people get hurt."
Another person added some much-needed perspective, writing this: "It's not the 1900s when some really bored people made up a language of flowers because they didn't have Netflix (it's my theory a lot of Victorian etiquette came from boredom that and the classism) Carnations near Valentine's because she never got carnations in school for V-day is NOT an appropriate platonic gift.
"I don't even think grocery store carnations would have been okay," the person continued. "Flowers just have too much romantic connotations now. Excluding; mom,secretaries day, funerals, a group gift or something you do for everyone on X occasion. e.g. one of my employers once gave everyone a poinsettia for the holidays and they sent flowers/plant whenever any employee had a kid. Especially for someone your GF is already questioning the level of intimacy with."
But other people thought he was just trying to be a really sweet person and his girlfriend would see that if she was more secure in their relationship.
"[Not the A–hole], Jesus. I don't read emotional cheating from your post, just a blasé tone," one commenter wrote.
Another person agreed. "I always have great friends at work of the opposite gender. This isn't When Harry Met Sally. Men and women can actually be friends."
"[No A–holes here], my work spouse and I would totally do something like this. I've def given him X-mas gifts too," someone else wrote. "HOWEVER, I def would have let my partner know it was something I was planning!! I think its a really nice gesture that your coworker will appreciate, but your [girlfriend] deserved to expect it, PLUS, know that she was being valued too, BEFORE the surprise came. Talking someone down is way more difficult than discussing it in advance."
I think the rule of thumb for gifts is that if you think your significant other would "blow it out of proportion" knowing about it, then it's probably not something you should do in secret.
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