We've all heard our fair share of wedding faux pas stories over the years. Mother-in-laws who've worn white to their sons' weddings … guests who came without leaving a gift … you name it. But one woman's story has Reddit abuzz this week, after she confessed a faux pas that might just be … well, not a faux pas after all? According to the woman, she was recently shamed by a bride and groom for wearing her own engagement ring to their nuptials. And now, she doesn't know what to think.
The woman said it was one of her close friends who got married.
Likely because of the current global health situation, the entire thing was pretty small, with no more than 30 people in attendence. Because it was such an intimate gathering, the poster said she actually knew most of the people who were there and was friends with a large number of them.
That should have been a recipe for a fun night. But instead, it led to some unexpected drama.
A few weeks prior, the Reddit poster became engaged herself.
Although the news was exciting, she didn't exactly shout it from the rooftops. ("I'm a pretty private person," she explained, "so apart from my immediate family and a couple [of my] closest friends I didn't tell anymore.")
By the time the wedding rolled around, it didn't occur to her that not everyone there that night would know she'd gotten engaged. That said, did it really matter?
"Without thinking about it, I wore my new engagement ring, since it's now part of the jewelry set I wear every day," the woman continued. "Since I knew most people at the wedding, lots of people immediately started asking if I was engaged and congratulating me and me fiancé. We've been together for a really long time and it's been a running joke among me and my friends if we'd ever actually tie the knot."
But the next day, she received a call she wasn't expecting.
The whole thing left her pretty shocked.
Still, she felt conflicted about whether she was actually in the wrong.
"I feel really bad that I upset them, but at the same time I think their anger is out of line," the woman wrote. "Actually proposing at someone else's wedding is a far cry from just wearing a new ring, which I might add is a plain silver band. It's not like I was flashing a huge diamond in people's faces purposely trying to get attention."
(Hmmm … that definitely adds another layer to this story.)
In the comments, people were appalled.
"Even if it was a massive rock of an engagement ring OP would still be NTA," one person wrote. "It's like saying you can't go to a wedding if you're pregnant, or have dyed your hair or some other change that people might comment on. At some point you have to be allowed out of the house having gotten engaged and family or friends will always comment on the new thing since they last saw you."
Another person put it even more plainly, writing:
"1. You didn't get engaged at their wedding.
2. You didn't announce your engagement at their wedding.
3. You didn't even wear a ring that was obviously an engagement ring.
"You can't help the fact that people asked you about your engagement status, and telling the truth is better than lying in that situation."
Others rolled their eyes at the whole idea of "upstaging" the bride.
"My brother told me was getting divorced on my wedding day, didn't p–s me off," one person joked.
"I had my now 15-year-old son six months to the day before my little sister got married," another person shared. "Was she so focused on herself that my son couldn't be there … ? Nope, it was important that he was there."
That said, people did point out how "bridezilla-y" some women can be.
"You don't know what crazy people do!" one person wrote. "My big brother's best friend was getting married and his bride told him my brother could go since he was the best man, but his wife no because she was pregnant and would get all the attention away from her. I have to say most of the wedding people knew each other for ages, knew already my sil was pregnant, and she would be around 6 months by the time of the wedding. Crazy people will have crazy requests."
(Oof.)
Another person argued that a new engagement ring can cause quite a stir in a crowd of people.
"Some women are actually hyper focused on the ring fingers of the people around them and once one person notices and says something it can have a ripple effect through the crowd," the person explained. "Usually it is someone who desperately wants to be engaged or just became engaged that notices it."
Others even attempted to defend the couple.
"See, I think she lowkey did announce her engagement in a kind of back door way," one person wrote. "It may have been an accident or unintentional, but OP still should take some responsibility for the way it made her friends (bride and groom) feel. Sure, it wasn't the official announcement, but it really doesn't take much for people to talk. If this was her wedding, would she like it if her friend came with an engagement ring that no one else had seen before the wedding?"
Plenty of others shook their heads at the thought the bridal couple could be upstaged.
"Nuts," wrote one person. "Brides really underestimate how much attention will be on them during their weddings. Unless someone proposes or gives birth on the middle of the dance floor or something catches fire, everyone will still be focused on the bride and groom."
In the end, the best advice seemed to come from those who reminded the woman of how a true friend would have reacted.
"A real friend doesn't ask you to dim your light so it looks like they are shining brighter," wrote one person.
"This," added another person. "Good friends would be absolutely thrilled for [you] or at least not address the issue so soon after their wedding. These folks sound petty."
They sure do.
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