Marriage is hard and sometimes, no matter how hard we try, things go wrong that are deal-breakers and the divorce process is started. It's not an easy thing to happen, and it doesn’t matter how old the kids are when divorce hits, it's hard on the family.
Young kids, teenagers, and grown adults all feel the tensions of divorce in the family, and that's something one dad is dealing with as his divorce moves forward and his adult children can't struggle to come to terms with it, too.
An anonymous dad took to Reddit to get some advice on a situation he's found himself in with his kids.
Posting to Reddit's AITA, the OP shared some backstory on his relationship and where it stands. "I (50m) found out that my wife (49f) of 20+ years was having an affair," he wrote. "I was completely hurt over this and have started divorce proceedings. Obviously, this has been hard on our four children, but I cannot spend the rest of my life with someone I can't trust."
His issue isn't with the divorce, he's fine with moving forward with that. But it's causing some unintended drama.
"Before we got married my wife's family had money and demanded I sign a prenup," OP wrote. "I had no problem but since then the family money has been lost due to bad investments and lawsuits. My wife was a SAHM for the majority of our marriage, our youngest child is 19 and because of the prenup she can't get alimony," he explained. "In short my wife will be screwed."
"The only thing we own together was our house and while it is paid off my wife won't be able to afford the upkeep or HOA fees, so she will effectively be homeless," he said.
OP doesn't intend to give her financial support, either.
"I have no intention of giving her any type of support for any reason," he explained. "Since serving my wife divorce papers I have refused direct contact as my lawyer has advised, but she's now playing dirty by getting the children involved."
And that's where his trouble is — his adult kids have been brought into this.
"We have two boys (23 and 21) and two girls (25 and 19), and my wife has been pleading with them to get me to agree to halt the divorce proceedings in favor of counseling," OP explained. "After I told my children that I had no interest wasting anymore of my life with that woman they have all essentially backed off except for my oldest, Christy."
He added, "She's very close to her mother and can't imagine life where were her parents aren't married."
Christy is putting herself right in the middle of her parents' divorce.
"Christy tells me that her mother realizes her mistake and will do whatever it takes to make things right," OP explained. "She says that I owed it to 'the family' to work things out. I refused and told her that it wasn't her place to make those kinds of demands."
And now his daughter isn't really talking with him. "Since then the only time Christy talks to me is when she's sobbing and asking me to not to destroy the family," OP added.
He gets this is hard, but he wants his daughter to stop the pressure.
"I understand that this is hard for her and offered to pay for therapy so she can cope, but she said there wouldn't be anything to cope with if I wasn't trying to divorce her mother," he explained.
"Since Christy is being too emotional to act within reason and refused therapy I have been resolved to limit contact until after the divorce," he wrote. He said that his other kids are telling him that Christy's behavior is just getting worse.
He asked the Reddit community if he was in the wrong here, and they had feelings.
"NTA Your wife didn't care about her family when she was getting in bed with the other person so now that SHE has effectively destroyed HER family then SHE needs to deal with the consequences," one person wrote. "Your daughter needs to understand that happiness and having a healthy mental state is above toxic family."
"I want to go with NTA," wrote another Reddit user. "Your wife cheated and you dont trust her – perfectly reasonable to want a divorce. Your wife wants you to forgive her and is almost using your oldest daughter to emotionally blackmail you to forgive her. Your daughter as 25 not 4. She really should not be trying to manipulate you about it. Its not her marriage, I understand her not being able to see a life where you and your wife are not married but that is only because she has never known any different. But she is an adult and needs to back off and accept that it is your decision."
"NTA at all," added another Redditor. "Your head sounds like it’s screwed on properly. Don’t give in and don’t budge. Emotional manipulation is a low tactic but there’s a reason it works on so many people. Your ex wife is trying all the tricks."
"NTA – the best thing to do is just firmly tell her the divorce is between you and your ex and you are not comfortable discussing it further with her and let the chips fall where they may," suggested someone else. "Hopefully with time she will come around."
It seems most people side with OP on this one, and hopefully, he can figure it out.
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