Marriage is always complicated because it’s made up of two people coming together to form a life. But that doesn’t mean those people didn’t have separate lives before their blessed union. Where does who we were and who we are overlap? That's one question a husband has after he and his wife got into a disagreement.
The man's wife really wants him to cut ties with a female friend he had before they were married, and she has a pretty solid argument. Her husband wrote to Reddit about how his wife got mad when he chose the friend's side over hers. Let’s be honest — he should be sleeping with one eye open.
The Original Poster was pretty upset and conflicted when he went to a Reddit community seeking guidance.
He wrote to its Am I the A–hole forum, wanting to know if he was in the wrong “for defending my friend and saying my wife needs to work on her insecurities.”
Well, we can’t speak for his wife, Jessica, but we think most women will agree that yes, you are being a jerk.
According to OP, “I've been married to "Jessica" for 13 years and we have two girls, 12 and 5. I have a female friend "Madison" who I have known since before I was with Jessica. This has never caused much of an issue, because I met Madison through her ex-husband, who is still one of her best friends, and we usually hang out in a group, so Jessica has never felt jealous or threatened.”
He thinks any jealousy and insecurity is wife's problem — not his.
Apparently, the OP’s wife doesn’t care for Madison (the friend) because of personality conflicts. His wife thinks that Madison looks down on her.
"But she can't come up with any examples and admits it is just a gut feeling," he wrote. "I don't know what to believe there, because other people have told me they felt that it was Jessica who hated Madison.”
Madison leads a pretty glamorous life, and OP thinks that's why his wife is jealous. Apparently, in his mind that's a “her” problem — not his or Madison’s. As far as OP is concerned, his wife needs to suck it up and get over it.
Madison is the bee’s knees, according to OP and even his older daughter.
“Madison has a glamorous life. She used to work in fashion and married a guy with f— you money, so my 12-year-old has always been in awe of her, just due to the clothes and the parties," OP wrote. "This annoys Jessica, but we never thought much of it. Jessica is more the girl next door type and looks down on Madison for some of the glamour.”
Madison and her husband happened to stop by in glamorous outfits one night after attending a fancy fundraiser.
“Our 5-year-old heard the noise and it woke her up. We had been having a tough day with her behavior and my wife was burnt out," OP wrote. "She saw Madison and said, 'You look like a princess. You are so pretty and your dresses are so pretty. I wish you were my mom.'"
Madison laughed and was gracious about the compliment, but Jessica thought it was insensitive. When the couple left, Jessica went off about what a b—- Madison was.
His wife told OP to cut ties with Madison. He responded by saying she's not the boss of him.
OP thought it would blow over, but in the interim, his wife has issued an ultimatum of sorts, demanding her husband cut ties with his sexy friend. In return, he argued on behalf of his bestie, telling his wife that she’s overreacting. Wife insists she is uncomfortable and should be OP’s priority.
“I snapped at her that she needs to work on her insecurity. No one did anything wrong, and I am entitled to a life and friendships which don't get to be dictated by her insecurities. Obviously that did not go over well,” OP shared.
Many wives might agree that he is definitely in the wrong, words matter, and he's lucky to still be healthy enough to ask Redditors for help.
OP asked Redditors if he was in the wrong for taking another woman’s side over his wife's.
Most of the commenters agreed: Yes, he's the a–hole.
“Your child said this, 'I wish you were my mom.' And you did nothing to correct either your kid or Maddison?" one commenter wrote. "You did worse than that, you allowed this random woman to encourage the comment and validated with her and your wife. Do you even like your wife? Cause you certainly don't have her back at all. Disgraceful.”
Another person reiterated the point, writing, “No one is saying it's rare for kids to say things that can hurt. This is about what the other adults did after it was said. How hard is it for a life partner to say "but sweetie you love your mom" or "your mom is special too" or literally anything?”
“If I were Madison, I would automatically have said something how her mom was actually the best," speculated another commenter. "I don’t necessarily think with was said with malice but I understand how it hurts, especially that Madison didn’t say anything.”
At the end of the day, the OP should have diffused the situation. It's not hard to see why his wife feels insecure. He's the common denominator who is failing to comfort his wife, failing to correct his little one, and leaving his so-called friend in the middle of all the drama.
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