Now is the time of year when people question their life choices. What will happen on January 1? Is this the year they are going to lose that 25 pounds.? Maybe they will make a resolution to keep up with the laundry daily. Some people might want to read a book a week.
A lot of contemplation goes on as people aim to be the best version of themselves. I certainly wish anyone who is looking to change good luck on their journey. It isn't always easy.
I made a big change 13 years ago.
My life changed in a big way 13 years ago. It wasn't a New Year's resolution but one I needed to make many years before. September 19, 2009, I quit drinking — cold turkey. I was a boozer, a drunk, an alcoholic. Nothing was pretty about my drinking habit. Truth be told, it was an addiction. One that was handed down to me by generations who had the taste. I didn't want that to be my life, so I changed. I am grateful. I am blessed. And I am here to tell you I have learned a lot. Here are 13 of the most important lessons.
Alcohol is addicting.
People often associate it with drugs when they hear the word addiction. Alcohol can be equally as addicting. And it isn't just the hard stuff. My Achilles heel was beer. Just plain old, average cans of beer. But those cans become a problem when you're having almost a 12-pack a night.
At this point in my life, I would say that I am a recovering alcoholic but also a recovering addict. I truly believe that it is in my DNA. You should have seen me when I was smoking. Nicotine got ahold of me from the first cigarette I ever smoked. I am so very grateful I never tried drugs. I can't imagine where I would be.
The addiction can come on quickly.
I never drank in high school and wasn't a big drinker in college. It was when I got my first job, which had a lot of happy hours, that my drinking problem started. I went from someone who would have the occasional beer or glass of wine on a date to a girl looking for anyone to go to a bar with after work. The booze had a hold on me, and I couldn't slip out of its grip.
At first, people didn't understand.
I was exactly 30 when I quit drinking. Back then, many of the people I associated with were either single, newly married, or not yet parents. They didn't get it. They didn't look at my drinking as a problem. Some people actually thought I was overreacting by quitting alcohol completely. They thought I could just cut back.
That wasn't possible. It was all or nothing. I lost friends because I was no longer social. But now, I realize that if they weren't supporting my journey, they weren't really friends.
There is nothing wrong with people who drink responsibly.
First and foremost, I do not judge a person who drinks. Plenty of people in my life drink. I have alcohol in my home. I serve it to anyone who wants it. If you want to drink, do it. It's not my choice. It is yours. But I have to be honest, if I think you've had too much, I will tell you. Sorry, it is my business when someone wants to get behind the wheel and potentially killing themself or someone else.
Alcoholics aren't bad people.
No, drinking doesn't make you a bad person. It may influence you to make bad choices, but that's not a reflection of who you really are. Deep down, everyone has the potential to be good. Maybe that is naïve or I am living in denial. I don't think so. If you make an effort to change yourself for the better, how can you be bad?
I can't take it back.
There are a lot of things that I wish I had never done. I said so many hurtful things to people I love. My excessive drinking has caused me to lose a lot of memories, which is probably the most heartbreaking part of the whole thing. What I wouldn't give to remember my wedding. It is a blur. There was so much drunk driving. That gets me the most, particularly since I have a son who will be driving soon. Some idiot, like I used to be, could kill him.
Despite all of this, it's my story. And no matter whether that story is happy or sad, it has molded a big part of who I am today. I like that person.
Forgiveness is key.
I can't take it back, but I can forgive myself. I am a fairly faithful person who grew up attending church and was taught that God always forgives. Early on, I found it easier to accept that forgiveness than to be kind enough to myself to forgive. All these years later, I have forgiven myself. I have allowed myself to grieve the person I used to be and accept who I am.
I made changes in my life. They have made me better. Because I feel better about myself, I allow myself to accept the past, move on, and say it's OK.
The older I get, the more people understand.
I attended my high school reunion recently and just had a Diet Coke. Not a single person asked why I wasn't drinking. No one tried to buy me a beer or pressure me into having "just one glass of wine." My friends are in their early 40s now. They know that everyone makes their own choices and are good with that. Plus, people just weren't drinking as they did at our five-year reunion. They have kids. No one has time for a hangover.
Alcohol ruins relationships.
I don't think this comes as much of a surprise, but alcohol has the power to destroy you and your relationship. My marriage was on the line, not only when I was drinking but after. Booze was the fuel to the fire in my relationship with my husband. The more I drank, the uglier it was. That was a big reason why I walked away. I didn't want to live that way.
He continued to drink for a few years, but the same things that were bringing me down also affected him. We were 14 years into our marriage and four kids deep by that time. He told himself "I can be a dad or a drunk." I am thankful every day for the path he chose, and so are our kids.
I worry about my kids.
In 13 years, I have watched my family grow, and my children get older. They are aware that their dad and I are sober. I have spoken very frankly with them about addiction and how it runs in their blood. I don't want to scare them, but I also want them to realize that it can damage them in ways they can't comprehend yet.
Do I think they will never try a beer or a glass of wine? No, I am pretty confident that they will. My only hope is that my voice will always be in the back of their minds encouraging them to be responsible.
I wasn't living while I was drinking.
Is that cliché? Perhaps. But truthfully, I was existing. My life was about going to work, coming home, and heading to the fridge. I couldn't wait until 5 o'clock because it was cocktail time. That is how I lived every day. Weekends were worse. That's when my husband would join me, and we would get drunk, fight, be hungover, and do it again the next day. We wasted a lot of time being angry, creating years of resentment. Together we are healing and building back what we tore down. I am grateful.
I am never going back.
I can say unequivocally that I will never drink again. During these 13 years, I have never sipped alcohol. When I put down that last beer, it was the end. I said goodbye to what was one of my best friends. Good, bad, happy, or sad, I grabbed a beer. It was always there. And it always will be. But alcohol was like an abusive boyfriend to me. I finally got the courage to walk away for good and save myself.
I will always be honest.
I speak freely and openly about my struggles with alcoholism. Am I doing that to be some hero or inspiration? No, it's not that at all. I talk about it because I want people to know that anyone can get in too deep, but you can also dig your way out. I was a drinker for 12 years, and I have been sober for 13. Three of my four children have never seen me with a drink in my hand. But they have seen pictures, and they have heard the stories. Sure, some of the things were funny, and I had a lot of fun drinking. It is fun, but it is way too dangerous for me to have that kind of fun anymore.
You can do it if you are considering quitting drinking this new year. You are strong, and you are worth it. There are more sober people out there than you think. It may take you a few tries, and that's OK. Love yourself enough to be your best self. You will never regret it.
