When it comes to gifts, many adults — especially parents and grandparents — will tell you that they would rather give a present than receive one. This is particularly true when it comes to young children. There are few things as satisfying as seeing a beloved child open your gift and beam with joy.
But people can go a bit overboard sometimes, and it's no fault of the child's. Naturally, it can be an overwhelming task for parents to keep everything under control. When that happens, is it unreasonable to help your child cull the herd a bit?
Reddit's AITA forum recently had a post from a mom whose daughter celebrated her fifth birthday, and her ex's side of the family was overly generous. The original poster had her daughter donate a few things to make room. Her ex found out, and he's not happy at all.
OP has limited space to store things.
OP loves her kids, and so do her ex and his family. They are incredibly generous for birthdays, but she explained that she lives in a small apartment, and everything gets overwhelming.
"My ex and his family tend to go way overboard when it comes to our children's birthdays. I've tried asking them to either tone it down or to leave the gifts at his house because I live in a small flat now and I just don't have the space but they don't listen and insist the gifts need to be kept with me as the kids live with me for the majority of the year," she wrote.
Their daughter just turned 5.
The family just celebrated their daughter's fifth birthday. True to form, many gifts were given to the little girl and OP was "struggling to find space for everything." She decided that she and her daughter would go through some of her things to donate because there was no way she would be able to play with everything.
"I explained how some people didn't have as many toys as her and asked her if she would be okay if we gave some toys to people who had less. She really enjoyed giving her things away and decided she would give some gifts to her cousins and friends too," OP explained.
Along came OP's ex to ruin it all.
OP's ex came to pick up their kids, and when he arrived, the 5-year-old told him that she would give her cousin the art set she received for her birthday. He tried to tell her no, that it was supposed to be for her, but she explained that she was giving some things to others who didn't have as much as she did.
"Now he's mad at me because he thinks I shouldn't be encouraging our daughter to give her birthday presents away. I explained again how I didn't have space and he accused me of bulls—-ing him and choosing to live in a small flat when I had other options," OP wrote.
Is she in the wrong?
Whose home is this anyway?
OP's ex doesn't live there, so why should he get a say in what she keeps in her apartment?
"I love that it's their way or the highway. You gave them options — don't give her presents, keep them at their house … or now, donate them," someone wrote. "Apparently they feel there is only one acceptable option. That's not how life works. Give them the three choices again, but let them know the one choice is not on the table."
"NTA. You are right to teach her to give to those less fortunate and his family is just over compensating for the divorce," another comment reads. "If they want to continue to give, they should stay at his house."
"Seems odd dad won't keep some toys and such at his house. My kids had set ups in both our houses," another person chimed in. "They didn't need to pack a bag to go either way."
Their daughter is learning a lesson about charity.
OP isn't being mean-spirited. She is trying to teach her daughter a lesson while lightening the load at her home. People were onboard with that.
"We had our boys take out one gently used toy from the toy box to give away to charity for every new toy they received because they received way too much stuff from extended family and most of it sat unused after a day or two," someone commented. "They loved doing it and were very thoughtful about the toys they chose to give away; some of the toys they chose to give away were new toys. One of my stepsons often chose to give away even more than the mandatory 1 for 1 toys, even when he was only 4 or 5. It's important to teach children how to be generous."
"Most kids wouldn't give their things up so readily, but it's very clear your daughter is already learning valuable lessons from you that giving to those less fortunate when you can afford to is always a beautiful thing," another person pointed out.
"NTA. I think its lovely that you are teaching charity at this age. Your right, overload of stuff she never will play with it all," another comment reads.
Not everyone agreed with OP, though.
People were OK with her giving a few things away. They were not in love with the fact that it sounded like she was giving away her ex's family's brand-new gifts.
"If you said you were donating I would be on the fence. But you're giving it to your niece. Your child is 5 you should be donating older stuff not her new stuff people bought for her," one person pointed out.
"YTA. You didn't encourage your daughter, you manipulated a 5 year old," someone else wrote.
"YTA, the gifts were not for you. They went to her, if you had no room, ask your Ex if she could keep them there. I would be unhappy if I had something I bought given away causeyou were TA," another person commented.
OP, you might want to think this one through.
Perhaps it's time for a tad bit of reflection. Are you giving those things away because you have too much? Or are you being a hair spiteful because the gifts came from your ex and his family? Reddit didn't give a concrete yes or no on whether you're the a–hole.
There are likely some better solutions. Give away some toys? Absolutely. But maybe go for the older toys that aren't used as much and let your kids have a chance to play with their new things.
If it's way too much, have a sensible and kind conversation thanking everyone for their generosity but asking them to cut back just a bit. You can also send some things over to your ex's. Then he can decide what to keep and what to donate.
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