Mom Turns Down Surprise Party Her Kids Threw Her to Spend B-Day With Her Boyfriend

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Some of us spend months and months planning our birthdaysbirthday at a party with her kids and chose to spend it with her boyfriend instead. Now she’s taken to Reddit looking for some support — after all, she should get to pick who she spends her birthday with, right?

The 37-year-old mom of four teenagers got into a heated argument recently over her big birthday plans.

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As the mom explained in her post on the AITA forum, her birthday was on a Friday and she planned to spend the whole weekend with her boyfriend “since it would be my first birthday that we were together.”

“I didn't hear at all from any of my kids besides the casual text the whole week and I assumed they probably weren't planning on seeing me or had forgotten,” she added.

The original poster’s eldest daughter, 19, is usually the one who plans her birthday — but she hadn’t heard a peep and assumed it was A-OK to keep her plans.

On Friday, none of her kids sent her a happy birthday text.

“This made me a little sad,” she admitted, “but again I just assumed that teenagers will be teenagers and they were busy (they told me they were staying at their dad's this weekend).”

Her boyfriend picked her up from work and then they went back to the OP’s house so she could change before going out to dinner.

It turned out that her kids hadn’t forgotten her birthday at all.

“When we got to my apartment and walked in the door the lights suddenly turned on and my kids jumped out and yelled: SURPRISE!”

The OP was thrilled “and my 19-year-old gave me a big hug and said she was sorry they made me think they had forgot,” she wrote.

But the vibe definitely changed when the OP told her kids that actually — she already sort of had plans whoops!

“My 19-year-old requested to move the party to the next night, but I told them I couldn't because I had plans for the entire weekend with my BF,” the OP wrote.

Her kids asked if they could at least go to dinner with the OP and her boyfriend.

But she told them no because “my BF does not like children and him and my 19-year-old do not get along so this would be very awkward.”

The OP’s daughter was upset, she accused the OP’s boyfriend of trying to “steal away” their mom on her birthday “and also at me ‘for not even wanting to spend time with them,’" the OP wrote.

In the OP’s eyes, it was her birthday and she could spend it however (or with whomever) she wanted to. She told her kids that she spent her birthday with them every year, but this year “was special.”

Her 19-year-old was livid.

She again started yelling at the OP until the OP’s boyfriend stepped in and told her to “step acting like a brat.”

“Then all of my kids started yelling at us,” she recalled.

“We ended up leaving and going to dinner, and I did spend the weekend with him, but my kids are very mad at this and are now staying exclusively with their dad for the time being,” the OP continued. “Was it so wrong to want to spend my birthday how I wanted to?”

The comments section wasn't on the OP's side in this birthday battle.

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"[You're the A–hole]," wrote one person. "Your boyfriend does not like children, yet you have three minor kids. He also separately does not get along with your only adult child. Meaning, you are dating a man who doesn't like any of your four children. Clearly, you are saying loud and clear to your children that getting laid is more important to you than any of them. This isn't about what happened this past weekend. It's about your general priorities and how skewed they are."

"[You're the A–hole]…if my kids planned a surprise party for me, all other plans would be canceled immediately," someone else agreed. "And I’m huge on birthdays being what I want to do…but YOUR CHILDREN planned something for you. [If your boyfriend] doesn’t like your kids, rethink your priorities, or that feeling of them forgetting will happen every year."

While a third commenter told it to the OP straight: "You royally screwed up. You have serious groveling to do. This BF probably won’t be around long, let’s be honest. You have kids and he doesn’t like them so he’s automatically out. You sacrificed your children for him? Ya, go beg their forgiveness. I would be devastated if the woman who gave me life dumped me for some stranger who didn’t even like me. Like what were you thinking? They probably won’t talk to you for a while and it would be well deserved TBH."

But a few people were willing to let her off the hook.

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"[Not the A–hole]," argued one commenter. "Your kids should have invited your boyfriend to be part of the surprise party. They should have told him what they were doing to avoid a conflict, make sure you arrived on time. Seems like your kids, especially the 19-year-old, cut him out of the planning and guest list on purpose. What did they think would happen — you would think they forgot you but conveniently not make any plans at all?"

"[No A–holes Here]," someone else agreed. "Your kids aren't for planning the party, and you aren't as well for wanting to spend it with your BF. It should have been handled differently when everything went down though. If your kids were willing to put aside their differences towards your BF so that they could spend time with the both of you, I think you should have taken that gesture because I'm sure it took a lot, and they really just wanted to be with you. You'll never stop being their mom, and they went through a lot of effort for you."

"[Not the A–hole]," someone else wrote. "My mom told me it’s cruel to 'pretend' to forget someone’s birthday, only to surprise them later when the birthday person usually have made other plans because they feel like their loved ones forgot about their birthday, which in your case was to make plans with your boyfriend. Your children are allowed to dislike your boyfriend, and he is allowed to dislike your children. It looks like you tried to keep your life with your children separate from boyfriend to keep the conflict from being an issue. On top of that, your oldest daughter seemed to think it was fine to have an argument over your birthday and then you expressed that you would love to spend your birthday with your boyfriend for once, and that kids can stay with their dad for a weekend. Your daughter, I felt, then decided to come up with the surprise to try and force you to make it out like you have to choose your children or your boyfriend."

The OP did not take the negative comments in her stride.

In an update to her post, she accused commenters of misunderstanding the situation.

"Okay I get that you all have made up your mind on me, and that's fine because I did post on here, but please know that you all do not know everything, only a little part of my life," she wrote. She added that she only wanted opinions on whether or not she should have stayed with her kids — "but many if you have started to attack me for my dating life and I think that is unfair. I would never let someone dangerous around my children."

She also accused her 19-year-old daughter of being the ring-leader of her kids — she never liked the OP's boyfriend and has pulled "mean pranks" on him in the past.

"I should have never posted on here," she continued. "At the end of the day it is always on the mother to be the angel and always make perfect decisions. My ex-husband isn't a saint either. He didn't contact me about my kids or if they were going to spend time with me for my birthday."

"Thank you all for your wonderful insight on my parenting," she wrote. "Please stop messaging me to call me names."