Getting a sister-in-law can go one of a few ways: You become best friends forever, you become fast and furious frenemies or, if your karma is really tragic, you get stuck with a psycho. It happens to the best of us. However, sometimes you get someone who surprises you in every way, and that’s not always a good thing. Planning a wedding does crazy things to people.
One busy woman can’t believe how hard it is to be a bridesmaid. She's been trying everything to fulfill her bridesmaid duties as not only a bridesmaid but also as the sister of the groom. At every turn, she’s met with difficulty. She’s so upset at the situation that she even wrote to Reddit’s AITA community to get some feedback.
She's rearranging her schedule so she can be a bridesmaid — including some pretty important exams.
She shared that she's currently in medical school and lives across the country from her family and brother.
"I was surprised when his fiancé asked me to be a bridesmaid because I barely know her, but she wants to have all siblings in the wedding," she wrote. "I made it clear that their wedding was during my final exam week, and while I was able to get an accommodation to take my last two exams early I still wouldn’t be able to help much with planning or be present at things like a bachelorette party/bridal shower. She said this was fine, it would mostly just be to have an even number of bridesmaids to groomsmen and for pictures.”
OP added some more details about the situation.
"There’s a group chat that was created months ago that I would read through every couple of days to get updates on things I needed to do, namely to order a bridesmaid dress. Links were sent with three styles to choose from and we would be updated on colors later."
She's got some serious issues with the communication about the wedding.
A couple weeks went by, and the OP asked what color to order. The bride said she was still thinking about it. A couple more weeks went by, by and the bride was still thinking, and then another few weeks went by.
Now it’s at the point that if OP doesn’t order this dress in a couple of days it won’t arrive in time. OP asked on a Saturday what color to order. She got no response in the group chat.
She asked again on Sunday, and no one in the group chat could give a straightforward answer. Instead, OP was flooded by passive-aggressive messages by other bridal party members (OPs sister, sister-in-law-to be and sister-in-law’s sister) giving her grief for not ordering her dress yet.
OP’s own sister even had something to say. “My sister called me, told me to 'get my s— together' and 'order a dress already' because my lack of preparedness is causing the bride intense anxiety because she doesn’t think my dress will be here on time for the wedding now. She texted me this morning, 'don’t forget order your dress, love you' with smiling and kissing emojis.”
There are way too many messages and not enough time to sort through them.
The really unbelievable thing is that no one gave the OP an answer! She’s scoured the group chat for a mention of dress colors or an image of a dress, but only the maid of honor sent a photo of her dress, and the OP doesn’t know if she needs to get a special color.
“There’s thousands of messages so it’s not simple to find anything. Everyone else can meet in person so I assume the decision on color was relayed in person. I can’t tell if I’m being purposefully excluded?” OP wrote.
“About an hour ago, my brother called me pleading with me to work things out with the bride because she’s panicking about me. I tried to explain this to him and he told me he doesn’t care, it’s a “petty ladies issue”, and since I’m not there for anything else this is the least I can do because the bride thinks I don’t like her because I wouldn’t come to anything."
She added, "He’s taking her side. They know I’m in medical school, I have literally no say in my schedule. And I’m on the other side of the country, 5.5 hours by plane."
OP's frustration is perfectly understandable, but she's trying to do the right thing.
OP is overwhelmed by the situation. “I’m fed up with them and contemplating telling my instructors the wedding was moved and I will take my exams at the regular time. I’d have more time to study that way anyway. I haven’t told anyone in my family I’m considering this. WIBTA?”
She isn't alone in getting the runaround. In a moment of desperation, she called her second brother, who isn't getting married.
“He said they’re pulling similar things with him and he feels like he was deliberately given the wrong dates for the bachelor party by the best man (bride’s brother) so that he would miss it," OP shared. "He inadvertently learned about the changed date the morning of and when he asked the best man he told him it must have slipped his mind to tell him. Then joked that he wouldn’t have missed much since he probably won’t enjoy any of the 'festivities' anyway.
"They’ve been making homophobic jokes and comments to him that he’s been ignoring but he thinks they’re trying to get him to back out of the wedding," she continued. "So if we both back out then there will be an even number of bridesmaids to groomsmen again. Only speculation on our parts of course.”
It seems pretty obvious what needs to be done, and Redditors agreed.
One commenter suggested OP take the high road and text the bride this: “I would LOVE to order my dress. I would have LOVED to order my dress a long time ago, in fact. I don’t like being pushed to the wire anymore than anyone else, and I can see why this delay would particularly stress out the bride. BUT, I have repeatedly, REPEATEDLY asked for the color of the dress and have not been given an answer."
That commenter thought she should point out — again — that nobody told her what color to order. "I am waiting for the color because I don’t want to disrupt the bride’s vision for her wedding if I guess incorrectly, and frankly, I assume that I will also get chewed out if I guess and show up and in the wrong color. I would really appreciate it if someone would use a single cell of common sense and tell me the color of the dress you want me to buy, so I can be there for this wedding like I have wanted from the beginning."
She should also point out that the bride is not the only one who is frustrated, the commenter continued. "I’m trying my best here, and while I am sure there is frustration on the bride/groom’s part, it is almost unfathomably frustrating to be yelled at for not doing something while consistently being denied the information to accomplish that very thing. Help me help you, or if it is too much, I don’t have to go. Let me know the color within the next 24 hours or I’ll step down so you can find someone else, although I do want to be part of your wedding. Let me know.”
Someone else thought she should go "scorched earth" with everyone and stop communicating with them altogether after a final message.
"They’re being shady jerks on purpose for whatever reason and are treating you like garbage. Screw that long ass group text I suggested. Just say this: 'You all can suck a fart straight out of my butthole, that’s your wedding gift; don’t bother letting me know how it tastes because I’m not talking to any of you anymore' and then block them."
That person has some other suggestions for the bridesmaid too: "Go on vacation the day of the wedding. Get one of those thread braids in your hair. Post so many pictures people start wondering if you’re okay. But you are, because you’ll be sipping a pina colada on the beach instead of suffering through what amounts to a ceremonious soul-sucking from actual goddamn dementors."
Another commenter had a controversial take, writing, “Honestly at this point she should say eff it and wear white. If they're gonna act like children, she can too. Lol at this point I would show up in a gorilla costume.”
“Just order black because it sounds like your brother's funeral!” someone else suggested.
One commenter left a suggestion that sets everyone straight: "I ain't even dropping out because you're lazy birches who can't tell the difference between lavander and mulberry. I'm dropping out because you are toxic, homophobic, lazy birches who can't tell the difference between lavander and mulberry."
This commenter might have the best advice for OP of all, adding that she wasn't the one in the wrong. “If you go, wear white, tell them the color is 'summer dusty purple mulberry lavender' but looks white to people who don't know how to give a straight answer to simple questions.”
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