If someone allows you to stay in their home, is it your responsibility to help out around the house? Sure. You need to clean up and ensure that you maintain a nice living space and respect the host's things. It is polite and probably expected. But what about caring for their kids? Do you need to get involved in that situation too?
After her divorce, a woman and her daughter moved in with her brother, his girlfriend, and their baby. Things were working out just fine until recently, when the woman's daughter and her brother had an argument. He wanted her help with his daughter, but the teen refused. The woman posted in Reddit's AITA forum asking if her daughter is obligated to help with the baby or if she has the right to say no. Tempers flared, things got ugly, and now her brother and his girlfriend want the original poster and her daughter out of the house.
OP's brother was busy in a meeting.
According to the OP, her brother works from home and was watching his 9-month-old daughter on a nanny cam. She needed a diaper change, and there were no other adults in the house, just OP's teenage daughter. He asked the teen to change the baby's diaper, but she said no.
"He texted my daughter asking if she'd go in and quickly change her cousin's diaper but she refused. She told me that she had her reasons," OP explained. "One, she doesn't feel comfortable around babies. and two, she was already late for her friend's birthday party (her other friend and brother were waiting on her outside). My brother insisted but she refused which made him cut the meeting and getting kicked out of it. My daughter was out of the house at that point."
When OP got home, a huge argument broke out.
OP came home, and her brother was berating her daughter because she didn't do him a favor and change the baby. OP's daughter was crying by this point. OP told him to chill and that it wasn't her daughter's job to take care of the baby. That was on him and his girlfriend.
He fired back, saying it was a one-time thing and he just needed a little help. Things escalated and ended with OP and her daughter getting notice to leave.
"He explained how it was just a one time favor and how he's been very supportive of us since I divorced my ex but I told him that it's not an excuse to force my daughter to do what she didn't feel comfortable with. His girlfriend got involved and called me an grateful a–hole and told us we have 2 weeks to move out," she wrote.
OP tried to talk to her brother, but it was no use, and he is not caving. Was she wrong?
OP's daughter is a kid, not a babysitter.
Some people felt OP's brother crossed the line, and he had no right to talk to her daughter like that.
"NTA. Maybe I'm in the minority here but I think that your brother was way out of line berating your daughter," one person wrote. "She is not his child to parent. I would be really uncomfortable and mad as hell if another adult was screaming at my kid to the point that she was crying, no matter where we lived or if she was legally an adult."
"Daughter who had no experience. Was going to a birthday party where her friends were actively waiting for her. OP. What was your daughter wearing. Was it street clothes or was she 'dolled up' If she was in nice clothes going to a birthday party like it's a good chance she was, then heavily NTA," another person agreed.
However, it sounds like you're there on a free ride, OP. Would it hurt to lend a hand?
Quite a few people thought that OP and her daughter could contribute a bit here and there, and changing a diaper is not really a big deal.
"The brother took them in when they needed help. He gave them a PLACE TO LIVE," one comment reads. "Unless there is more info we're missing here….. all he needed was a d— diaper change. That's like 4 minutes of your time. Family helps family."
"YTA, they helped You, in much bigger way, they helped you when you needed help, and that's a much bigger thing than changing a diaper, which takes 5 minutes," someone agreed. "if you ask for help, be ready to give it back and don't be surprised by consequences.. don't bite the hand that feeds you."
You all need to sit down and have a family meeting.
It may be too late if your brother and his girlfriend have already told you to leave, but Redditors feel like a little convo about expectations is in order. There are a lot of fingers being pointed and a lot of placing blame, and some Redditors thought this was all a bit of a disaster. You need to think about this one, OP.
"No judgment from me because this is not an ethical or moral dilemma. Whether you're right or wrong is irrelevant here," someone wrote. "You have two weeks to move out. So ask yourself if you daughter's refusal to change her cousin's diapers was worth it."
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