No matter how good your relationship is with your ex, let’s face it: There is no way that things won’t always be slightly awkward. Like when the ex gets remarried, for instance. For one woman, it’s not the fact that her ex-husband is possibly getting married again that’s bothering her. It’s that his girlfriend recently asked to wear her old wedding dress when they get married — and she won’t take no for an answer.
The 35-year-old mom and her ex-husband, K, have been divorced for three years.
In that time, they’ve really been able to be great friends. They share a 5-year-old son, and she doesn't seem bothered that her ex started dating a new woman: "we will call her G,” the mom wrote in a post on the Am I the Asshole forum.
“K started dating G about 10 months ago,” she wrote. “G and I have become really great friends and enjoy being around each other.”
Everything was going well until K & G started talking about marriage.
The Original Poster knew her ex-husband was hesitant to remarry, but G really wanted to get married and have kids of her own.
“I guess G saw some old pictures of me in my wedding dress and has been raving about how pretty my dress is,” the OP wrote. “The other day we had coffee together and G brought up getting married soon.”
The OP told G she was happy for her. But the whole meetup soured when G asked if she could wear OP’s old wedding dress.
The OP was stunned. She told G that she was very flattered that she liked her dress “but no.”
“She immediately got extremely pouty and started to ask why. I explained that I just wasn’t comfortable with her wearing my dress to marry my ex-husband,” the OP recalled.
G was visibly upset and “started to cause a scene,” so the OP walked out knowing that “she was not going to calm down.”
About an hour later, her ex called and asked her what had happened.
He totally understood where the OP was coming from — but his support of his ex didn’t stop G from going scorched earth. She told all of her friends and family that the OP offered to let her wear the dress and then backed out “because I was jealous.” In turn, they’ve been calling the OP to tell her she’s the asshole for not “sharing.”
“G is claiming that I’m not over K and that I’m just doing this to ruin her wedding. While it’s true that I’m not over K, part of me just doesn’t feel comfortable having her wear my dress,” she wrote.
The whole thing has put a strain on the OP and K’s relationship “and the relationship around my son,” she added. “Part of me feels like I should give in, but I still just don’t feel comfortable with it. So, am I the asshole for not letting her wear my dress?”
Most people agreed — the request was beyond strange.
“It's honestly creepy that she wants to use your dress…" wrote one commenter. "What's going on in her head that she doesn't see this as weird? The best advice I can give you is perhaps advise your ex-husband to try to encourage her to make buying a dress a big sappy event. Advertise it like it's a 'Say Yes to the Dress' moment that as a bride she can't miss out on or something."
"Honestly, after what G pulled, I think OP just needs to keep her distance," someone else advised. "I wouldn't suggest that OP gives her ex any advice about G, and just focus on co-parenting….. G may not even be in the picture much longer. OP is [Not the Asshole], while G sounds unhinged. She is demanding marriage after 10 months of dating, she is throwing a tantrum about her BF's ex-wife's wedding dress (when it doesn't even sound like K has proposed), she is a liar, and just seems like the se[a]ms of her facade are starting to unravel."
Someone else thought there was something more devious going on: "Think it was a set up? She asks for something inappropriate, you politely turn her down and she freaks out. Bam, no more cozy relationship with her fiance for you."
Only one commenter thought the OP had a small portion of blame.
"This whole dynamic is so goofy and unhealthy, especially if you aren’t over your ex," the commenter wrote. "Why are you friends with his new fiancée then? You can be cordial and nice without becoming friends…especially when you claim to not be over him. I don’t know if [You're the Asshole] or not because this situation is so fundamentally weird and it sounds like none of you have healthy boundaries."
Later in the thread, the OP explained that she and her ex "have been in each other’s lives most of our lives."
"It’s hard to cut someone like that out of your life," she continued. "We still have a friendship because that is how we believe we are best able to co-parent our son."
What shouldn't be hard is understanding why your boyfriend's ex-wife doesn't want you wearing her wedding dress. But unfortunately, it seems the OP is going to have to really stand her ground to get that message across.
