It can be an adjustment when you are the first or only person in your friend group to have a baby. Your friends are still living, a more carefree and independent lifestyle, but you now have someone who relies on you 24/7. It can be a bummer to not get to hang out as much, so it's nice when friends can be flexible with you. No, it may not be at a club or a fancy coffee shop, but having a friend come to you so you can be social and with your baby in tow, is a nice compromise.
Having said that, some people don't feel that way. If you aren't a kid person and don't particularly want to be around them, it can be a drag to always end up at a home that has kid stuff everywhere. A woman recently posted in Reddit's AITA forum asking if she is unreasonable for wanting her friend to spend time at her house since she has a baby. The friend isn't always into it though, and the original poster went off on her for not being willing to spend more time with her. Does that make her a jerk?
The pregnancy was unexpected.
OP explains that she is 29 and got pregnant a little over two years ago. It was not planned, but she has adjusted to her life as a stay-at-home mom. Her best friend, Mia, 31, is not a kid person but has been great with OP's daughter, Ciara.
"Mia and I live on the same street (we're in Manchester, England) and it's a walking distance between our houses. I've told Mia numerous times that she can just pop in whenever she wants to (she works from home) but she rarely does," she explained.
Lately, things have changed.
Mia used to be around a lot but has since cut back on her time with OP. She continually offers to open her home to Mia so they can hang out, but Mia evidently isn't interested. Mia recently asked OP to go out for drinks with her and some friends, but OP declined. Again, she said that Mia could come to her house, but she said it "felt weird to drink when she knows there's a child around."
"Honestly, I feel neglected. I feel like she put me on a back burner and doesn't want to be friends anymore. I'm always available but she rarely comes over and I don't think that's fair," OP wrote.
She saw pictures of Mia's night on the town and got jealous. "I felt rejected and horrible, I thought we were best friends but she clearly doesn't value me when she won't even have a few drinks with me at my house," she explained.
Mia later invited OP out for a coffee.
Mia wanted OP to join her for coffee, and again, OP offered to have her at her house instead. Mia agreed, but OP said she heard her say "like always" before she hung up. This bothered OP, so she decided to let Mia have it when she came over.
"When she came over, I decided to be open about everything. And while not my proudest or most mature moment, I shouted at her that she's an awful [friend], that she barely comes over and if she doesn't want to spend time with me to just say it and stop playing around," she explained.
Mia told OP to calm down.
Mia clapped back and told OP that she always accommodates her and Ciara, but that after two years, she's over it. She pointed out that she now always has to watch her mouth with a kid around and wants to be her usual self.
Mia suggested that OP's partner should take care of Ciara while OP goes out once in awhile, but OP wasn't having that. She told Mia not to meddle in her business.
"I was really angry with her and kicked her out. She called me a selfish asshole on her way out," OP said. OP thought Mia would call and apologize, but she hasn't, so now she's wondering if she was a bit harsh.
Redditors want to know why OP can't go out.
If she has a partner, why can't she get a break to have adult time now and then?
"It can be boring to go to your house all the time," a person wrote. "You expect her to be at your house whenever you want to spend time together. She wants to hang out somewhere else. She can take the kids with her or leave them with her partner so they can have a good time together. You ruined your own friendship. she's not tah, you're ah."
Another commented: "Seriously. Has OP made ANY effort to go out? Hire a babysitter? Have partner/family watch the kid."
"But suggesting the partner watch his own child is intrusive," another person pointed out. "However, OP checking out friend's social media and criticizing her lifestyle isn't."
Maybe she doesn't want to come over because Mia can't relate to OP's lifestyle.
Since OP is with the baby 24/7, couldn't she bend a bit and go out occasionally? Mia doesn't want to be around a kid all the time and that's OK. Right?
"YES," someone agreed. "The baby talk is insufferable. Plus you can only hear about breastfeeding woes and bowel movements ('Solomon's potty habits!') so many times before hanging with that friend becomes a huge, gross bummer."
"That's what happened with a good friend of mine. Every time I visited it was all baby, all the time," another person wrote. "She couldn't even let me finish a sentence without babbling at the kid or pointing out that she made a face. It was incredibly tedious and I felt like I had lost her. We ended up growing apart because EVERYTHING was about her child and she would never make time for me without her despite me seeing on social media that she was going to concerts and out with other people just fine."
"Yeah. I'm at the age where most of my friends have kids," someone else noted. "There all SAHM and I'm the odd single one out. You want to be understanding and flexible but the home hangouts kinda suck after awhile. It really does end up with you two on the couch playing with the baby as she vents about her life. Or you're helping her clean while she vents about her life."
OP, you need to grow up.
Redditors feel like you are being a bit of a baby yourself. Mia is offering to spend time with you, but since it isn't always on your terms, you say no? That isn't cool. You need to take a step away from Ciara for a minute and spend some time nurturing your friendships if they really matter to you. It may actually make you feel good. But in this case, don't expect an apology. Redditors think that you're that a–hole.
"YTA," one Redditor decided. "She's trying to stay engaged in your life, but you only want it 100% on your terms. She's not wrong for wanting to go out and have adult evenings out. Hire a sitter or ask your husband to take over for the night and join her. You were rude and out of line with her."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
