No matter how much you love your partner, it’s completely normal to feel like you need to vent sometimes. Hey — it’s impossible for anyone to be perfect all the time. But one woman is sort of reeling after learning that her husband created a fake online persona to infiltrate an online group where she would complain about him online.
It all started a few months ago when the Letter Writer joined an online group of “like-minded people.”
They often discuss relationship problems, she wrote in her letter to Slate's "Care and Feeding" column that’s bubbled up again, and so far it’s really been helpful.
“I have found that griping about my husband to anonymous people online is a lot better than venting my frustrations at him,” she explained.
And strangely, her husband has been getting better too.
“Lately my husband has also been really good at changing some of the behaviors that have always driven me up the wall,” she explained, “and now I know why.”
The LW made the discovery after using his laptop. “I happened to notice him logged in as one of the members of my group!” she wrote.
He even created a fake persona “and has seen every gripe I ever typed about him!” she added.
The LW hasn’t confronted her husband yet — but she’s starting to see an upside to this whole thing.
“To be honest it has been a convenient way to indirectly communicate my frustrations to him. So should I tell him I know who he is, quit the group, or just let this be?” she asked.
Some people agree — the LW needed to take advantage of this opportunity.
"LW1 should see how far she can play this out. Start coming up with sex ideas, extra chores, a new car, and see where he finally comes clean," one commenter proposed.
"I would tell the group how much your husband has changed but wouldn't out him or let him know I knew. Not in so many words," another commenter agreed. "Let him keep his secret identity. You could attribute the changes to the magic ESP powers of the group and say frankly that you don't understand it but you'll take it with gratitude! Maybe he will start using his persona to complain anonymously about you, and then you can change your behavior to improve as well."
"LW1 should hit on her husband in the online group, but only using Pina Colada lyrics," someone else joked.
Unfortunately for the LW, columnist Emily Yoffee thought she should come clean.
"I’m sure my husband would love me to follow your lead and post my complaints online instead of expressing them directly to him. Then he’d follow your husband’s example of not discussing any of this with me," Yoffee joked. "Where he’d differ is the part where he logs on and reads my nagging, then dedicates himself to meeting my standards of the perfect husband.
"I suggest that, to get back to face-to-face communication, you tell your online audience that your husband has undergone a remarkable transformation and you’re so moved by this that you’re going to let him know how much his efforts have meant to you," she continued. "Then do so, in person, including letting your husband know you know he’s a member of your rant group."
