My Husband Literally Spit in My Face & Stormed Off, So Now I Don’t Know What To Do

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We tend to think of domestic violence in very limited terms. It looks like what we’ve seen in Lifetime movies. There are explosive scenes of someone slamming a partner up against a wall. They may push them down a flight of stairs or hit them with an open or closed hand. But intimate partner violence can show up in a number of ways.

Most of the time it is gradual. It starts with something small and escalates. Those smaller moments can leave us confused, questioning whether what we just experienced was abuse at all.

One Reddit user's husband exploded after their toddler had a tantrum.

This was the case for one Reddit user who wrote in about some vile behavior from her husband and wanted to know what she should do about it. Her post was short and she got right to the point.

“My husband just spit in my face and stormed out of the house,” she wrote. “He says he wants a divorce.”

Then she explained the action that caused this disgusting outburst. “Why? Because I asked him to let me calm down our three year old while she was tantruming and he took it as me undermining his parenting.”

She has no idea what to do next.

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She concluded the post with a note of frustration. “I don’t even know what to do at this point. I’m just so tired of the fighting,” she wrote.

Whatever their dynamic has been before this, it certainly hasn’t been positive. There have likely been other toxic behaviors, and she’s so fed up she had to come to the internet to determine just how bad her husband's behavior truly was. Thankfully, people on the forum offered her nothing but validation and support.

The community rallied around her.

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“That’s assault,” the first response read. “You leave.”

The OP responded, “I’ve been questioning myself over whether it’s assault or not. Thank you for helping me feel less crazy.”

Another person suggested that this woman get the authorities involved.

“I would consider calling the police to get a paper trail going and keep him out of the house,” the person wrote.

Although it was sound advice, the OP didn’t think it would bode too well for her.

There is a lot to consider before involving authorities.

“I’m afraid that the second I do something like that he’s going to go completely nuclear,” she wrote in response. “He’s already threatening to try to take my house and my business.”

We’re sure she knows her partner better than any of us do.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline suggests that even witnesses of abuse consider these things before getting authorities involved:

• Has the victim of abuse created a safety plan?
• Is the victim ready to speak honestly to law enforcement?
• Involving the police could make the abuser more dangerous.
• The police may not believe the victim.
• The abuser may have ties to the police department.

The OP noted that she felt less alone after so much online support.

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Ultimately, “A person who is in an abusive relationship has the right to decide if/when they leave and how,” the domestic violence hotline claims.

Thankfully, it seems that whether she leaves now or later, the OP has found the online support system that she needs and is on the way to processing this situation accurately and making the decisions that are best for her and her children.

“I just want to thank you all so much for talking me through this,” she wrote on Reddit. “I feel completely gutted and unmoored after tonight. I just want to be on the other side of what happens next and in the absence of other people to talk to about my marriage, you’ve helped me feel less alone.”

If you or someone you know has been the victim of domestic abuse, you can find help and support at DVIS.org, the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or by contacting your local women's shelter (domesticshelters.org).