Weddings might be magical, but they certainly bring out the worst in people. Just take one family that has become divided over one specific person’s invitation.
As the bride-to-be explained, her sister recently came out as transgender, but her parents have yet to accept it and gave the bride an ultimatum: If you invite your transgender sister, we won't pay for a thing.
The bride-to-be's sister came out about a year ago.
According to the original poster's information on the AITA forum, her sister has probably been on hormones for longer, but hid it from her family until she moved out on her own.
“Probably because our parents are very conservative and known to be transphobic,” the OP explained. “As a result, there was this huge fight and a ton of people in our family (including our parents) cut her off and don't talk to her anymore.”
She’s tried to be supportive of her sister — she uses her new pronouns and her new name.
Even though her family gives her a lot of grief for doing so.
“I even make it a point to visit her every so often, while she hasn't seen most of our other family since last year,” the OP wrote. “I also promised her that, if and when I got married in the future, she'd still be invited despite any tension with our family.”
When the OP and her fiancé got engaged, her parents saw him as sort of a surrogate son.
But that also made it easier for him to be on her parent’s side of the situation.
“He's made it clear he doesn't really agree with, or like, my sister all that much,” she wrote.
After she got engaged, the OP’s parents offered to pay for everything — until the OP mentioned that she wanted to invite her sister.
“They shut the idea down immediately, talking about how she disrespected the family and cut them off and all that,” she recalled. “They basically gave me an ultimatum: have my wedding planned and paid for by them or have my sister there and they don't come at all.”
The OP took her parent’s offer.
She argued that she otherwise couldn’t afford to pay for her wedding “and because my fiancé pressured me to accept it.”
“I broke the news to my sister, and she's very understandably upset, but I'm still inviting her to a smaller afterparty over Zoom so we can still be together on the big day,” she continued. “I still feel really guilty about this, though, so, Reddit, am I the a–hole?”
The comments section was divided — some people thought the OP had done her sister dirty.
“[You're the A–hole] why marry a transphobic guy?" one commenter wondered.
"I don't think OP supports her sister all that much," someone else added. "Calling a trans woman by her pronouns and visiting one's sister 'every so often' is just basic respect and decency. It doesn't give her bragging rights. The one thing that actually seemed like support – her promise to invite sister to her wedding – did not happen at all. What else has OP done to support her sister? She didn't do anything supportive before, and when confronted with a choice – between her sister and their transphobic parents – she chose the parents. She could've opted for a more low-key affair with her sister there. It's either having her parents or sister at wedding, and she chose parents."
“[You're the A–hole]," a third commenter wrote. "'I'd like to think I'm very supportive of her.' You aren't, you turned her away in favor of your toxic parents who are also AHs for some money."
But other people thought she was in an impossible situation.
“[Not the A–hole]," one commenter chimed in. "Your wedding your choice."
“[Not the A–hole] your sister can find support, your family has drawn a line," someone else wrote. "I understand you would like everyone to get along but that’s not happening. Your wedding should not be the place where that happens either, family therapy should be. It’s your wedding day this day is about you as a couple and you don’t need added drama."
While a third commenter put it this way: "[Not the A–hole]. But make sure you have a long discussion with your sister about this. She will understand what you're dealing with alot more than the idiots on reddit. Make sure she knows it's not her and that weddings cost alot. I had some family I couldn't invite due to drama I just talked to reach out them to explain why and they were okay with it."
The OP can choose to do whatever she wants for her wedding — but she should keep in mind that if she's already feeling guilty for choosing money over her sister, it's definitely not going to get better by her wedding day.
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