Please, before we go any further, I want to establish something: I am not anti-alcohol. I think it’s totally fine to have a glass of wine or a beer occasionally if that works for your lifestyle. For me, that doesn’t work, but I’ll get into that in a minute. Millions of people drink and live their lives without any problems. But that doesn’t mean trouble isn’t brewing.
I am 44, a mom of four, and have been sober for almost 14 years. I was a binge drinker who tried to destroy my life and marriage, and realized that Diet Coke was better than divorce, so I worked through it. I have now been a non-drinker longer than I was a drinker, which feels good for me. My 20s are pretty hazy, and I hate that. I quit when my oldest was just a baby, when I realized it was a problem.
I was never really a part of the mommy wine culture era, but as someone in recovery who watches this trend daily, I think it’s a slippery slope, and many moms need to be cautious.
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What is this 'mommy wine culture?'
There isn’t just a straightforward definition that encapsulates it, but Google funny wine memes, and you’ll see what I mean. There are thousands of products targeted toward women and their wine. Think T-shirts that say “Rosé all Day” or a cute tea towel imprinted with the words “I Pair Well with Wine.” And I am sure we have all seen the stems that say “Mommy’s Sippy Cup.” They are kitschy and cute, but they also perpetuate a stereotype that alcohol is part of a mom’s identity.
This wine culture subtly tells a mom that if she grabs a drink, the end of her troubles is just a sip away. But really, that in and of itself could be creating a much bigger and more dangerous problem.
What's the big deal if all of my friends do it?
There are a lot of moms out there who are drinking their wine, beer, or vodka to drown out the day-to-day struggles that are bringing us down. Whether you work in an office, from home, are a stay-at-home parent, or take your kids with you everywhere, life is not easy. Pressures are coming from every direction, which is a lot for all of us to handle. Careers, homes, and families are tough to balance, and sometimes it’s easier to numb the pain after a hard day.
It doesn’t seem abnormal if you and your girlfriends joke about running by the grocery store to grab your favorite bottle of red before you sit down to binge Wellmania. You get caught up in Liv Healy and text each other memes and emojis of a mom laughing with a glass in her hand, and it all seems OK. But what if it isn’t?
The cute can become ugly fast.
Yes, it’s true. A lot of women drink. According to a recent report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 50% of adult women in the United States said they drank alcohol in the previous 30 days. So, a drink here or there, so what?
For some women, it isn’t just a drink or two. It’s a lot more than that. Among that 50%, nearly 13% said they binge drank. It gets scarier: 25% of those women admitted to binge drinking at least once a week, often including six drinks.
The CDC defines binge drinking for women as four or more drinks in a single session and heavy drinking as eight or more drinks per week. By those numbers, a lot of moms are probably considered heavy drinkers. You’re almost there if you have one glass of wine a night. Let that sink in.
Truth be told, it’s not hard to slip into bad habits with alcohol and not even realize it. One glass can quickly become two, then three — before you know it, the bottle is gone. More of us have been there than we would probably like to admit, but it’s real. And even though the shirt says so, it’s not funny.
Women process alcohol differently.
Statistically, men are more prone to develop alcohol problems but can drink more than women. Even so, when a woman drinks, her body handles it much differently than a man’s.
According to the CDC, “Biological differences in body structure and chemistry lead most women to absorb more alcohol and take longer to metabolize it. After drinking the same amount of alcohol, women tend to have higher blood alcohol levels than men, and the immediate effects of alcohol usually occur more quickly and last longer in women than men. These differences make women more susceptible to the long-term negative health effects of alcohol compared with men.”
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Am I telling you to toss the towels and donate your punny sweatshirt?
No, but I am suggesting you check in with yourself. Don’t think about your friends, coworkers, or the lady across the street. Just think about you. If things feel good and look good, move on. But if alcohol becomes more of a problem because it’s the solution, it might be time to step back. Even if it means going dry for a few days, a week, or a month to feel things out, that’s OK.
Please, please, please, believe me when I say there is no shame in admitting that you might be headed down a dangerous road. And let me scream this from the highest mountain: If your friends don’t want to be around you because you don’t drink, they are not friends.
Self-care is the most essential care. For some people, that truly might mean a glass of wine at night. That. Is. OK. Other people need to run a mile or two on the treadmill every day, which is also fine. If driving around in your minivan with a Diet Coke and Tupac blasting is your jam (it’s definitely mine), do your thing.
But just as your mom told you about jumping off that bridge when you were a kid, being one of the “cool kids” isn’t always that cool.
*Disclaimer: The advice on CafeMom.com is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
