As a plus-size woman, one of the scariest things about entering a new relationship (outside the obvious) is the lingering question of if your partner is only with you because you fulfill a fetish for him.
While there are no statistics on how many men have a plus-size fetish, pure anecdotal evidence suggests that there are plenty of 'em. The scariest part, though, is not knowing if the person you're dating is one of them.
We asked sex and relationship expert Megan Stubbs on her thoughts on plus-size fetishization, and what to look out for if you suspect your partner is solely in it for your weight.
First, let's define what a fetish even is.
"The word fetish when used in a sexual context usually means something inanimate that someone requires to have sexual gratification," Stubbs explained.
"Inanimate" doesn't have to mean being sexually attracted to a shoe or a basketball, though.
"Some people fetishize fat women," Stubbs explained. "Just Google things like squashing or face-sitting porn and you'll see a wide range of primarily larger women being fetishized for their physical nature."
Remember there's a difference between a fat fetish and appreciating someone because they're plus-size.
"There's a fine line between being attracted to someone who is bigger and only being attracted to someone because they are bigger," Stubbs explained. "Each situation is unique and you have to use your own best judgement."
Keep an eye out for weird compliments.
It's one thing to be told you're beautiful (because you are, duh), but it's another thing entirely to be objectified.
"Are they interested in the body you live in or the person driving the machine?" Stubbs emphasized. "If they're asking things like how much you weigh or what your measurements are and they aren't tailoring a dress for you, that should give you pause."
Ask yourself if your partner is over-emphasizing their attraction to your biggest areas.
Again, a compliment here and there is one thing, but it's not OK to be given endless compliments that seem to ONLY revolve your size.
Don't forget: Every part of you is beautiful, and yes, your size should be celebrated. However, when that seems to be the only thing that your partner focuses on, that's a red flag.
Make sure your partner's present for even the mundane things — not just the sexual.
If you notice the only time your partner is really "present" is when you're in bed together, take note. No matter what size you are, you shouldn't be treated as just a sexual object (unless you want to be).
Keep an eye on the labels they throw at you.
"Are they labeling you without your consent?" Stubbs asked. "Is their opening line something like 'Wow, you're a thicc girl' or do they profess themselves to be 'chubby chasers?' Chances are they are seeing you as a sexual object."
Regardless of your shape or size, you're worthy of love and being treated with respect.
"Whatever your shape, size, color, or ability, you are worthy of love and relationships without being reduced to thinking that your dating pool are those who want to exploit you for your body," Stubbs said.
Additionally, if something feels off or wrong, go with your gut!
"If it feels weird, check in, ask questions for clarification, express your feelings, and if need be, check out," Stubbs suggested.
"You are so much more than what you present to the outside world." We couldn't agree more!
