One of the most time-honored vows that many couples make is to stay together for better or worse and in sickness and in health. A couple that is only engaged hasn't actually made those vows yet, but most of us probably assume that our future spouses wouldn't be scared off if the "in sickness" part started to be a factor. That's why it is pretty shocking to hear about a man who is eager to ditch his fiancé after she suffered a devastating medical crisis and is facing a physically uncertain future.
The whole sad story was revealed when a man who described himself as a 40-year-old single father reached out to the Dear Prudence advice column after his fiancé suffered a massive stroke that left her with limited speech and mobility. According to him, this woman was the love of his life, somebody who "totally changed my perspective on life. I’d never believed in soul mates, but she made me a believer. We could complete each other’s sentences and had the kind of love that I’d never felt for anyone."
The couple met, were engaged, and moved in together after only six months and were eager to build a life and new family together with his child. And then the stroke happened, changing everything.
His fiancé's life is forever changed, and he says this isn't what he signed up for.
Obviously a stroke is horribly unexpected and not what anyone would anticipate when they are in the midst of planning a wedding and a future together.
Still, it seems terribly cold for him to write this: "She will likely never return to work or the life she had. She can now walk some and has regained some speech, but it is limited. Her arm still has no function. This has created a future that I had not envisioned nor signed up for. Every day is a reminder of what once was, and so is a constant source of hurt and pain."
Wow. Way to make her actual pain all about himself.
Even though he knows that leaving will "devastate" her, he's already decided to bounce.
According to his letter to Prudie, this single dad is committed to staying with his fiancé for a total of a year, the same length of time he knew her before the stroke. His reasoning is that, although "she will be devastated if I leave," staying isn't an option because "I will be devastated if I stay. Additionally, I do not think it fair to my own child, who has a limited number of years remaining at home."
Although a number of the commenters for Dear Prudie had choice words for him, including calling him a "total d-bag" and pointing out that he is a prime example of the fact that men are much more likely to leave a sick partner than women are, advice columnist Emily Yoffe went surprisingly easy on him.
Instead of advising him to think about what kind of example he's setting for his child by leaving when things get hard, she advised him to make the most of the time he had left.
She suggested that he do his best to help his soon-to-be ex-fiancé navigate her recovery and to focus on helping her set up a support network for when he is gone. She even noted that maybe he "still might be able to remain a close, supportive friend."
Um, what now?
Look, we're not advice columnists (though we should be — we have great advice that nobody ever asks us for, sadly), but it seems VERY BOLD to suggest a woman who gets dumped by her fiancé for becoming disabled would still want that guy in her life as a friend. Hell no!
We've got to side with the person in the comments who summed it up best: "you've got this 40 yr old with a child who doesn't want to burden himself with a less than perfect woman who met his every dream prior to her stroke. What a piece of s—. Who could just count the days until you can split?
"Who teaches their child that you love someone until they aren't perfect anymore and then you haul ass?" the commenter continued. "I hope she read this column, realized which particular piece of s— wrote it and left him first. She really deserved better."
