On my first date night out as a first-time mom, my husband and I sat down for Mediterranean food and saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button at the vintage movie theater next door. Neither of us bothered to look up the run time — so, after 2 hours and 46 long minutes, I was panicky from being away from my baby for so long, and my breasts were fully engorged.
I will admit, she was older than one at the time. We hired a date night babysitter through my local mom’s group. She was a pert young actress with tons of baby experience — much more than me — and she was fast asleep with a book on her chest when I got home. I was irritated that she wasn’t lingering over the edge of the crib watching my daughter’s every breath — and that I had spent $100 on top of mediocre food and $40 in movie tickets to an interminably long, boring, B- of a movie.
So, when other first-time moms ask about date night after kids, I have this advice — do as I say, not as I did. You can go on your first date, sans baby, long before the first birthday. As long as you feel up to it, and you have good caring hands to leave the baby in, everyone will be just fine. And you’ll be a lot happier for it, as long as you keep some of these ideas for date night in mind.
How do you know you’re ready to be away from your baby?
Date night ideas — at home
Yes, we do everything at home now, thanks to coronavirus — including trying to recreate a date night. Luckily, it’s a lot easier than you’d think.
Bring your favorite meal home
Once you’re through the fourth trimester, when there might be some semblance of a schedule in place, you can plan a romantic evening during the first long stretch of sleep. The key to making date night different from, say, last Thursday? Do not hold back. Light candles. Use cloth napkins. Break out the silver. Put on something sexy and nostalgic — music and clothing — to remind you of your pre-partum days.
Have an indoor picnic
Somehow, eating on the floor just feels different. And see above: it’s time to splurge on fancy finger foods.
Just… relax
The point of date night is usually twofold — feeling like yourself again (and not just a new mom), and spending time with your person. When you think of it like that, there are lots of ways to make date night happen. You don’t have to make that big a deal of it. In fact, doing so can really backfire.
"Going on a bona fide date with my husband used to be as simple as making an Open Table reservation and taking a night off from the kitchen," Whitney Pipkin wrote in The Washington Post. "But now that we have a pair of young children underfoot, getting out the door comes at such a steep cost — including the babysitter and the sky-high expectations — that the evening often feels doomed to fail before it begins."
In the end, it's the effort, really, that counts.
"Taking time for your relationship – whether outside the home or inside the home – is good for your relationship health," W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project and an associate professor of sociology at the University of Virginia, told UVA Today. "This isn't rocket science, but it's an important reminder."
