It was an absolutely gorgeous day in NY and my daughter and I were getting ready to go to my sister’s house. It was also the Saturday after Election Day 2020, and when the news came through that Joe Biden had won the presidency, my daughter and I yelled and danced around the living room. That’s when I realized – the next vice president of the United States — Kamala Harris — was a Black and Indian woman! Looking at my beautiful biracial daughter and knowing without a shadow of a doubt that she really could do anything was more emotional than I was prepared for. My voice cracked as I said this to her and the tears started to flow. When I said “Honey, you can do anything you put your mind to," she said “I know” with all the confidence in the world, and I couldn’t have been prouder.
This was a win not just for women of color, but for all women. Yet, when the numbers started coming back, the realization that 55% of white women didn’t vote for the Biden/Harris ticket was sobering. That number is even higher than the 53% in 2016.
To say I’m disappointed is an understatement. Not surprised, but disappointed.
After the Women’s Marches 1 & 2 (I stopped going after that), after four years of specific, personal attacks on female reporters – women of color were a favorite victim, a Muslim ban, babies in cages, attacks on Black and brown countries and people, after personal attacks on peaceful protestors and calls for them to lose their jobs, after a summer of racial “awakening,” after watching a cop literally kill a handcuffed, Black man with his knee to his neck in broad daylight as he called out for his mama, it felt like there were so many White mothers who finally got it.
After marching with us, after reading White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo, after learning what your privilege really meant, after learning how not to be a “Karen,” after learning how to be anti—racist. More of you voted for more of the same? How is that possible? I thought we were “in this together.”
If you’re saying to yourself “That’s not how I voted. I’m an ally all the way!” I totally get that.
This isn’t directed to you. And even as I write this, I know who called me this summer. Who actually picked up the phone to call me to see how I was doing and kept messaging me throughout this summer’s peaceful racial protest, just to show they cared. And even if you didn’t call, you hit “like” and commented on my social justice posts. You shared or reposted, or you sent me private DMs. You’re my people and I know your hearts.
This is for those who, when it came time to vote, pretended to not know what was going on, and those who complained about everyone being so “negative,” or “why does everything have to be about race.”
Because honestly at the end of the day, you don’t get it and perhaps don’t want to. You’re the ones who pretend you’re not racist but move to a new town because of the “element” that’s moving in. You complained about Colin Kaepernick’s silent, peaceful protest – claiming it was because he disrespected the flag and the USA – disregarding that he consulted military service members about how best to execute this protest. And regardless of how many times you were told it had nothing to do with the flag but police brutality against Black people, you chose to focus on what you wanted to.
You’re also the same ones who claimed to agree with peaceful protests “in theory” but not their “methods.” You’re the moms who shared the picture and story of that poor little boy whose neighbor did the unspeakable and yelled from the rooftops why there weren’t any protests for him, even though his murderer was put in jail later the same day. Once we were faced with a global pandemic we all faced it together, but that quickly shifted once the demographic numbers began to come out. Believing you’re not racist because you know a Black person or were nice to that Black cashier simply isn’t enough.
Perhaps you don’t really care for the candidate himself but voted for a better economy, right?
Or a heftier 401(k)? Or perhaps you’re pro-life? Whatever the issue that drove you to overlook all of the atrocities committed during the last four years, why are any of those individual policies more important than people? More important than your neighbors, fellow moms and their children?
Under this administration, time and time again we told you about how us and our children were being impacted. And while Black and POC women rallied to make sure this stopped, so many of you voted to protect the interests of people who actively contributed to our demise.
Let’s stop letting politicians tell us what to care about.
Stop allowing fear and hate to fuel us and cloud our reasonable judgment. We live in the richest country in the world. Why do we listen to them when they tell us there’s not enough in the budget to feed our hungry or some form of health care for those that need it? Why do we listen to them when they tell us all our problems are because of immigrants? We’re all immigrants and that’s the best part of America. We have endless wealth that we can continue to build together. And more than enough space – they’re not going to take your house to make room for that refugee.
Rather than using religion as a way of controlling each other, why don’t we use it to guide how we act toward others?
Love thy neighbor. Treat others how you’d like to be treated – well and as equals. That includes women and your Black and brown neighbors. And treat each other’s kids how you would want your kids to be treated. That includes if they’re Black, LGBTQ, poor, practice a different religion, or speak another language.
We’re all part of the fabric that makes up this great nation, a patchwork quilt with plenty of room and warmth for all. Let’s remember that the next time we go to the polls.
