Having a baby is expensive. From the second you see two pink lines on a pregnancy test, you also see dollar signs. Having a family who wants to help contribute to a new baby's future is an incredible blessing for a couple. Sometimes, that money is earmarked for specific expenses, and other times, it's just a little extra help.
A couple discovered they were expecting, and one of the baby's grandfathers gave them a nice financial gift to help with expenses. A year later, the baby's mom asked her husband about the money, which appeared to be gone. He says she spent it, and she says, no way, it was him. Now, that money is nowhere to be found.
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This was a substantial sum of money.
The mom posted in Reddit's Am I the A–hole forum for advice. When they announced their pregnancy, her husband's dad gave them $4,000. They couldn't open an account for the baby until she was born, so OP and her husband put the money in a joint account. She paid for the baby's birth and day care and recently asked her husband about getting the $4,000 to help ease the burden.
"My husband started claiming that I already used the money for medical bills, and that I cashed it into my personal account. I told him that I did not do that and showed him my account from that time period. He said that if it was in the joint account it is gone, and that he used it towards hunting land, which I didn't give the okay to drop that money towards," she wrote.
OP is sure she didn't take the money.
She knows she didn't spend the money and is going broke carrying the family's financial load. She's trying to save money, but her husband doesn't seem to care. He is certain she spent the money, and he's unwilling to help her figure things out.
"I've been putting $150 away a paycheck, as I want to be able to help her get a car/go to college if she so chooses. I explained this, and my husband accused me of blowing through the money again and refuses to check. I told him that I wasn't asking, I was telling him that he needs to check and that he needed to figure out where the money went. Am I the a–hole?" she asked.
Redditors think OP's husband took advantage of the situation.
It seemed clear that OP's husband was in it for himself and not his wife and child.
Someone pointed out that this is their money, not his. "NTA, but if it's a joint account, it's equally your money as his, so you should have access to check it yourself. Something shady is going on there."
This person agreed, writing, "First of all, all of the baby's expenses need to be split between you. Period. Secondly, he needs to pay you that money back – he's not paying expenses for the child so he never should have spent it. Lastly, why are you with such a selfish ah?"
Many think OP needs to talk to her father-in-law.
"Explain the whole situation to your FIL," one person suggested. "That will get this solved. Your husband sounds like he's taking advantage of you very badly. Why are you contributing so much more financially?"
"NTA but it's time to tell on him. Sorry but it is," someone else wrote. "He's financially controlling and it's not going to get better because he's irresponsible as f—. Does he even bring anything to the table? Cause from what I'm reading you're doing everything by yourself basically besides giving yourself the constant headaches."
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There is only one way OP is wrong.
Redditors think she was being a jerk to herself and her daughter if she didn't speak up. This person put it brilliantly, writing, "You are TA to yourself and your daughter. This man is clearly not invested in your future or setting up your daughter for a good life."
