My Daughter Makes Her 16-Year-Old Get Up With Her Newborn Brother & I Confronted Her About It

No two mothers’ parenting journeys are the same, and we all must respect a mom’s decision about how she wants to raise her children. Caring for a baby is no easy task, but it can be a relief for a new mom if she has helping hands around. Older children can be a wonderful resource for moms. Even if it’s just to hold a baby while mom showers or change the occasional diaper, every little bit helps. But is it fair to give caregiver-level responsibility to older siblings?

A grandmother posted in Reddit’s AITA forum wondering if she was out of line for telling her daughter that she needed to care for her newborn herself and not rely on her other children to be in charge. The mom apparently told her own mother that the newborn made her too tired, so she has her older daughter to help. The original poster found out her other daughters do the same thing. OP’s not happy and thinks her daughters need to get it together.

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OP has a large family.

She is a mother to six daughters who now have a combined 23 children of their own. Among her girls is Kaia, who just had a baby. OP was visiting Kaia and found out she had her 16-year-old daughter caring for her newborn son who is a colicky baby.

“I asked my granddaughter if her mom always makes her get the baby, and she told me yes,” she wrote in her post. “She also mentioned that the baby sleeps in her room and wakes up every hour, and she’s the one who gets the baby. When I asked Kaia about this, she said that she does it because she needs sleep.”

This didn't sit well with OP.

She reminded Kaia this is her baby and not her teenage daughter’s responsibility. Kaia apparently didn’t care what her mother had to say and insisted her sleep was too important. OP talked to her other daughters and found out they had similar systems in their homes, with older girls taking care of younger siblings.

“I never made my girls take care of one another when they were younger, aside from occasional help. I told them that they needed to take care of the baby themselves.,” she wrote, wanting to know if she’s being an a–hole for pointing it out. “I kinda feel guilty and disappointed in myself for doing this.”

Is she wrong?

Redditors overwhelmingly believe that kids need to be kids.

Sure, helping out occasionally is one thing, but making a teenager the primary caregiver of a newborn seemed ludicrous to many people.

“It’s not on your 16yo granddaughter to take care of her baby sister. A baby needs their mother more than anyone I would think,” one person wrote. “It’s strange that all your daughters have done this even if they did grow up that way.”

“It is absolutely bonkers that your daughter put her infant in her teenage daughters bedroom. You’re right to [be] disappointed in your kids,” a Redditor agreed. “And if your granddaughter falls asleep at the wheel or gets into substance it’ll be your daughters fault.”

Some commenters think the grandmother needs to help her granddaughter.

One person suggested OP let the teen stay with her from time to time. “If I were grandma, I would be having a slumber party with my oldest granddaughter at least twice a week. You have to be a s—-y mother to prioritize your own wellbeing over your own child’s,” the person wrote. “NTA grandma. Someone needed to check her and this could be an even bigger issue if the 16 y/o starts falling asleep in class regularly.”

Another Redditor gave a caring suggestion. “It’s tough to navigate these situations, especially when it involves family. It sounds like you were coming from a place of concern for your daughter and her child. It’s important to express your feelings, but it might help to approach it more as a conversation rather than a directive,” the person shared. “Open dialogue can make a huge difference and help her see your perspective without feeling attacked. Ultimately, you want what’s best for both of them, and finding a way to communicate that can strengthen your relationship.”

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According to Reddit, OP is definitely not the one in the wrong.

No one thinks OP did anything wrong. A teenage caregiver is not the right answer. This person had a great point: “Where is the father? Why can’t they alternate getting up for the baby instead of the daughter? I am a teacher and amazed at how many teenagers fall asleep in class because they are kept awake by the baby.”

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