Naming your first child can feel like a big deal. That's why so many couples spend months debating the pros and cons of certain options, only to find themselves down-to-the-wire on the final decision. But when your relationship with the baby's father is on the rocks — or, more accurately put, totally kaput — how do you have the naming debate in a way that feels fair to both of you?
That was the dilemma one mom found herself in while recently pregnant with twins. In the end, she decided to name the babies herself without asking for the dad's input, and let's just say, it didn't go over well.
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The story was recently shared on Reddit by a 23-year-old mom.
She gave birth to her twins just seven weeks ago and admitted she didn't run the baby names by their dad before she named them. She vented to the subreddit Am I the A–hole? about the situation.
But although that may seem like a pretty underhanded move, you might want to hear the rest of her story before you make a final judgment.
(Better buckle up …)
According to the mom, she and her ex were in a pretty serious relationship before things ended.
So serious, in fact, that they'd been engaged, were actively planning on getting married, and even planned the pregnancy.
At the time she found out she was pregnant, she assumed her then-partner would be happy about it. After all, "he was the one who had really pushed the idea" and even "convinced" her that they were ready for parenthood.
That's why what happened next took her absolutely by surprise.
When she was 14 weeks pregnant, her ex suddenly left.
That's right — after proposing to her, planning a wedding, and pushing to start a family, he simply went buh-bye.
Naturally, the mom-to-be was heartbroken.
"It sucked," she admitted, adding that things were made even worse by the fact that she and her ex had "minimal contact" throughout the pregnancy. In fact, the only time they spoke was to discuss custody or to share the occasional pregnancy update.
By the end of her pregnancy, it was clear the couple was O-V-E-R.
It was also clear the dad wanted little to do with the twins when he actually fought to get 0% custody of them in court. (According to the mom, he'll have visitation and parental rights, but that's about it.)
"The last time we talked before the babies were born, it was three days before my C-section," the woman shared. "This was planned and he was aware of the date/location etc."
In other words, he could have made an attempt to come to the birth, or at the least, visited the babies in the hospital once they'd arrived. But according to the Reddit poster, her ex didn't try to do any of those things. Instead, it was like he didn't exist.
"The babies were in the NICU for two weeks and during this time he didn't text or visit," she shared. "Obviously, you need to name your kids and so I ended up choosing them myself since we hadn't gotten to that stage. I also gave them my last name since I'll be the one to do appointments etc, and raising them."
Based on his lack of interest and involvement, the new mom figured her ex didn't care.
But shortly after the twins returned home, their dad finally decided to show up.
By then, the babies were 3 weeks old, and yet their father hadn't even met them. In fact, he didn't even know their names, which is why that was one of the first questions out of his mouth.
In her Reddit post, the mom doesn't share the names she chose, but it's clear that her ex's reaction to them is seared into her memory forever.
"He said, 'They don't look like their names' and [that] the names are 'stuck up' names," the mom recalled. "He then says their names and his last name, but I corrected him and told him they'd taken my surname."
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At this point, the guy blew a gasket.
"He got p—ed and it became a tense situation," the poster explained.
But moments later, it got even worse …
"He demanded I change their names, I said no. He told me to combine our last names, I said no," the mom shared.
And THAT'S when she let him have it.
"I told him a parent that fights for 0% custody of their kids doesn't show much concern or care about said kid, especially since there are no physical/mental etc reasons to not be able to parent," she said.
Then, he started getting nastier.
"He told me I was unreasonable and unhinged," the mom said. "I told him that paying child support was the bare minimum and if he wanted a say in their names, he should've shown up/called when they were born and not waited 3 weeks to even ask what their own kids names were."
Despite her epic throw-down, the new mom is now having second thoughts.
Mostly, she just wants to know if she's in the wrong or if her approach to naming her babies was totally valid, given the circumstances.
In response, the people of Reddit were more or less unanimous: The only person who was an "a–hole" here was her ex — 1 million percent. Because of that, he didn't deserve any naming rights.
"You’re right that normally names are a 2-yes situation, but your case is not normal," one person told her. "Your ex doesn’t get to show up 3 weeks after the birth and start making demands. If I were you I would refer all his calls to your lawyer and don’t even worry about his nonsense."
"0% custody, 0% rights," another person commented. "He fought for this and now doesn't like how it tastes. Refer him to your lawyer. He's the crazy and unhinged one."
Other people wondered aloud what kind of a person would do this.
"I have a dead father that's more involved in my life than this dude is in the ones of his kids," one person commented. "I'm just confused why he pushed for a pregnancy just to leave."
"Possibly met somebody else," someone else replied. "[Maybe he] doesn't want any baggage. Or reality hit that he would have to take care of two kids for the rest of his life when he wanted to be more carefree … who knows."
"Or he’s Nick Cannoning it and trying to produce as many kids for his lineage as possible," another person joked. (Though to be fair, even the Reddit user pointed out that Nick Cannon actually spends time with his large crew of kids.)
Someone else had a lot of theories — all of which were plausible.
"He wants a legacy without any of the work (hence the tantrum over them having his name)," the person wrote. "He wants to permanently saddle her with a reminder of him. He wants to punish her through the kids …"
"Pick a reason, they might all apply," the commenter added, noting that the ex sounded like a classic narcissist.
In the end, though, one Reddit user pointed out that it doesn't really matter what his "reason" is for the way he's behaved: "Either way, he's a spectacular a–hole."
(And honestly, that pretty much says it all.)
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
