Dad ‘Barred’ From Speaking in Delivery Room Because He Doesn’t Want a Gender Neutral Name

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Choosing a baby name is so tricky. Even if you pick out the absolute perfect name, there’s always the possibility that somebody could spoil everything. For one couple, the obstacle is picking out a gender neutral baby name. As the husband explained in a post on Reddit's AITA forum, his wife is dead set on picking something that isn’t gender specific and even went as far as threatening to bar him from speaking with nurses in the delivery room if she doesn’t get her way.

Their baby name conversation started with the best of intentions.

Reddit

The then 27-year-old original poster and his then 27-year-old wife were expecting a baby that June, he shared.

“We both agreed we wanted to know the baby’s gender just for curiosity since she is our first baby,” he wrote in the post.

“We have had the baby talk before and we discussed how many we plan on having, where, how far apart in age we would like them to be etc… names hadn’t been an issue until we found out the sex,” he added.

The OP already knows his baby name pick — Juliet.

But his wife doesn’t agree.

“My wife says she doesn’t want any traditional girl or boys names, she wants a gender neutral name in case our kids ever decide they want to transition,” he wrote. “I agree there are some beautiful gender neutral names like Riley for example but even that name she says has become more female representing.”

The OP tried to point out that for some people who transition, they choose a new name that they identify with.

“So even if we were to give them a gender neutral name they might end up changing it,” he explained. “I also mentioned some people change their names just because, my grandma being one of those people and I used her as an example but she won’t budge.”

The real problem is that the OP’s wife is no longer letting him decide.

“Wife kind of threatened to not give me a choice and will tell nurses and doctors beforehand to not ask me for the baby’s information for the birth certificate,” he wrote. “I feel it is ridiculous and a name shouldn’t take away any rights or opinions on my baby girl. I just need to know, Reddit.”

Now he wants to know if he's in the wrong “for not choosing a gender neutral name" for their baby girl.

Many people thought the OP's wife was overthinking things — just a bit.

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“[Not the A–hole]. Take it from a trans person, [your] wife is very much over thinking this," one person responded. "Your kid can always change her name whenever she feels like it, so picking a name to be gender neutral won't actually matter that much."

“A name doesn’t determine someone’s gender. Your wife threatening you with that is a huge a–hole move though," someone else pointed out.

"While your wife's intentions are good, you don't know if your baby will even want to keep their name if they transition," someone else agreed. "I have a friend who is transitioning and she has changed her name despite it being a gender neutral name to begin with. To her the name was representative of her life before the transition."

Other people thought the OP could be a little more understanding.

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“[You're the A–hole], why does SHE [have] to budge?" one commenter wondered. "She’s literally going through all the pain and suffering for this baby, the least you could do is allow the poor woman to give her baby a gender neutral name."

One commenter thinks he's mildly in the wrong. "[You're the A–hole]. A little. The person giving birth should get to choose the name as they have done all the work so far," the person wrote. "And your arguments make no sense, OP. I would bet that people who transition change their names so their name aligns with their gender — same reason they may choose to change their appearance. And some people change their name just because? How is that relevant here?"

A third commenter put it this way: "Dakota, Payton/Peyton, and Morgan are all gender-neutral and lovely names. Have you discussed that concept with your wife? Seems what she is reacting too is your seeming stubbornness concerning this matter.

"A civil conversation on the benefits of a gender-neutral name seems in order here," the person continued. "Your daughter will be who she is regardless of name. And if something changes down the line, wouldn’t it help not to have to mess about with legal name changes on documents? Soft [You're the A–hole]."

We think this commenter brought up a good point: The OP's daughter is going to be who she is no matter what name they pick, so figuring out a compromise that makes both people happy needs to be a top priority.