A first-time mom has sparked a major vent session on Reddit after asking a simple question about mother-in-laws. Reddit user u/Goblindol was curious if other first-time moms were getting any encouragement from their MILs after giving birth — because she certainly isn't.
Now dozens of new moms are opening up about their own MIL experiences, which has been pretty eye-opening.
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The question was first posted on Wednesday, May 17|The question was first posted on Wednesday, May 17
As for her MIL, she does have quite a bit of experience in this department|As for her MIL, she does have quite a bit of experience in this department
In addition to having four children of her own, the MIL also has a great deal of grandbabies that she's cared for.
That said, no one else in the family is in the same position as she is right now.
"All her three sons have children … but none of their children are babies so I don’t have a fresh perspective on how she interacted with my SILs then," the mother explained. "My husband’s sister has also expressed wanting children eventually, but she’s currently single and doesn’t seem in a rush to family plan."
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In addition to having four children of her own, the MIL also has a great deal of grandbabies that she's cared for.
That said, no one else in the family is in the same position as she is right now.
"All her three sons have children … but none of their children are babies so I don’t have a fresh perspective on how she interacted with my SILs then," the mother explained. "My husband’s sister has also expressed wanting children eventually, but she’s currently single and doesn’t seem in a rush to family plan."
The poster has tried to shrug off her feelings, but it hasn't worked|The poster has tried to shrug off her feelings, but it hasn't worked
In fact, she admits that she's let it get to her on numerous occasions, including on Mother’s Day when her MIL didn’t so much as hand her a card.
It struck the poster as strange since the MIL is typically very thoughtful when it comes to cards and gifts on holidays. But instead, she just hugged her daughter-in-law tight and wished her a happy Mother’s Day. Then she gave the baby a few outfits from her recent trip with friends.
"Meanwhile, me and my husband showered her with standard Mother’s Day fare — flowers, coffee, wine, an art piece she collects, and a card," the new mom shared.
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In fact, she admits that she's let it get to her on numerous occasions, including on Mother’s Day when her MIL didn’t so much as hand her a card.
It struck the poster as strange since the MIL is typically very thoughtful when it comes to cards and gifts on holidays. But instead, she just hugged her daughter-in-law tight and wished her a happy Mother’s Day. Then she gave the baby a few outfits from her recent trip with friends.
"Meanwhile, me and my husband showered her with standard Mother’s Day fare — flowers, coffee, wine, an art piece she collects, and a card," the new mom shared.
Naturally, this stung a bit|Naturally, this stung a bit
"I’m just a little hurt realizing she might like me less than I thought or we aren’t as close as I thought and it took motherhood for me to realize it," the new mom shared.
More from Mom.com: What You Thought Motherhood Would Be Like vs. What It's Really Like
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"I’m just a little hurt realizing she might like me less than I thought or we aren’t as close as I thought and it took motherhood for me to realize it," the new mom shared.
More from Mom.com: What You Thought Motherhood Would Be Like vs. What It's Really Like
A lot of moms quickly jumped in to share their own stories|A lot of moms quickly jumped in to share their own stories
And, as it turned out, this mama was far from alone.
"Now that I’m thinking about it … no," one person said about their MIL's praise. "But she isn’t one to express herself in the first place. My mom has been very affirming though. Maybe that’s why it’s been hard for me to connect with her."
"Lol no," added someone else. "I can’t imagine a compliment coming out of my MIL's mouth, she’s more of a 80/90’s bad baby advice giver."
"Yeah weird, now that you mention it no one affirms my parenting except a friend and my sister-in-law," another mom confessed.
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And, as it turned out, this mama was far from alone.
"Now that I’m thinking about it … no," one person said about their MIL's praise. "But she isn’t one to express herself in the first place. My mom has been very affirming though. Maybe that’s why it’s been hard for me to connect with her."
"Lol no," added someone else. "I can’t imagine a compliment coming out of my MIL's mouth, she’s more of a 80/90’s bad baby advice giver."
"Yeah weird, now that you mention it no one affirms my parenting except a friend and my sister-in-law," another mom confessed.
Some commenters said that motherhood was actually a real eye-opener|Some commenters said that motherhood was actually a real eye-opener
"My MIL has become really judgmental and opinionated since I had my daughter six months ago," one mom shared. "All of my family and friends and healthcare professionals have been so supportive and complimentary except for her. It really affected my confidence for the longest time and has sadly spoiled our relationship."
Another commenter said their MIL has turned into a "monster" post-baby.
"She thought she was going to play do-over mom when I had my baby. Anytime she’s asked me how I’m doing … and I would mention if I struggled with sleep/breastfeeding, she would tell me I’m not the only woman in the world who did it and how her generation had it so much harder," someone said.
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"My MIL has become really judgmental and opinionated since I had my daughter six months ago," one mom shared. "All of my family and friends and healthcare professionals have been so supportive and complimentary except for her. It really affected my confidence for the longest time and has sadly spoiled our relationship."
Another commenter said their MIL has turned into a "monster" post-baby.
"She thought she was going to play do-over mom when I had my baby. Anytime she’s asked me how I’m doing … and I would mention if I struggled with sleep/breastfeeding, she would tell me I’m not the only woman in the world who did it and how her generation had it so much harder," someone said.
On the other hand, not everyone had bad things to say|On the other hand, not everyone had bad things to say
Plenty of moms said that their MILs were actually pretty great.
"My MIL told people I was a better mom than she ever was (not true) and complimented me often," one user wrote. "She often questioned me, but it was to truly learn, not to criticize. Once taught, she did it our way."
"Aside from my husband and our pediatrician, my MIL was one of the only people who told me I was doing a good job when I was going through PPD," another mom shared.
At the same time, a few people argued that maybe a lack of praise or compliments isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes people show their love and support in other nonverbal ways.
"My mom and I are super close and she has never said anything like 'you're a great mom,' but I also didn't expect her to," one person pointed out. "I think this might be cultural/family differences, but she supports us in other ways. It wouldn't occur to me for her to compliment me. I guess I just assume she thinks I am a good parent and same for my MIL, although we are less close."
While there doesn't appear to be any updates from the poster, this certainly is food for thought — not just for this mama, but for all mamas who may be in the same boat.
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Plenty of moms said that their MILs were actually pretty great.
"My MIL told people I was a better mom than she ever was (not true) and complimented me often," one user wrote. "She often questioned me, but it was to truly learn, not to criticize. Once taught, she did it our way."
"Aside from my husband and our pediatrician, my MIL was one of the only people who told me I was doing a good job when I was going through PPD," another mom shared.
At the same time, a few people argued that maybe a lack of praise or compliments isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes people show their love and support in other nonverbal ways.
"My mom and I are super close and she has never said anything like 'you're a great mom,' but I also didn't expect her to," one person pointed out. "I think this might be cultural/family differences, but she supports us in other ways. It wouldn't occur to me for her to compliment me. I guess I just assume she thinks I am a good parent and same for my MIL, although we are less close."
While there doesn't appear to be any updates from the poster, this certainly is food for thought — not just for this mama, but for all mamas who may be in the same boat.
