So many good things about family exist, and they’re especially helpful when we’re raising our kids. Having other adults that we can trust to help guide our kids and support us along the way can make a big difference. There are so many benefits to having a big family, but really only if everyone is supportive.
That’s a struggle for many families. Ones who feel entitled or lack boundaries can be a challenge, and sometimes things get strained. That’s what is happening to one mom who is struggling to see through a conflict she and her husband are having with their family. The original poster took to Reddit to share what happened in hopes of someone sharing the perfect solution.
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Posting to Reddit’s AITA community, OP jumped into the dynamics of her family.
"My husband’s sister has two kids (10&12). We don’t see them often because they live a few states away and their father has primary custody,” OP explained. “My SIL has a habit of imposing on us, she’ll call us while she’s driving to our house and tell us she’ll be staying a week or two."
With that being what she’s done a few times already, when her SIL called OP's husband a few days ago, she wasn’t surprised.
"She called my husband a couple days ago to say she was sending the kids to our house for 3 weeks once school lets out," she wrote. "Apparently there’s some drama at their dad's house so he doesn’t want them exposed to it, but she rents a room so the kids can’t stay the night more than 1-2 nights a week."
That doesn’t seem too out of the ordinary for how these guys operate, but there was an issue.
"The only problem is that one of the weeks she plans on sending them to us we’ll be on vacation at Universal," OP wrote. "She said 'great! They’ve never been, they’ll have so much fun!'" as if she was inviting them.
"My husband explained that isn’t an invitation, he’s letting her know she needs to choose different weeks," she shared, but her SIL didn’t get it. "She asked why the kids can’t just go with us and we explained we’re driving so there’s no room and our Airbnb has just enough beds for our family."
Her SIL offered to take the kids down herself and said they could sleep on the couch. "We said that could work and told her the cost of the tickets we bought were $380 each so if she sent us the money we would buy another two," OP explained.
Her SIL was surprised that OP had mentioned money.
"She asked why she would send us the money, and we explained these are her kids, she would need to pay for them to go," OP recalled. "She said that was ridiculous, if we have the money for this trip then we’re obviously well off and can afford to pay for her kids too."
Not that it’s any of her SIL’s business, but OP explained how they were able to afford to take their kids but not necessarily her kids. “We told her we saved for years for this trip, we have a strict budget and we cannot afford an extra $800,” OP recalled. “As it is we’d have to figure out how to add more to our budget for extra food, which we didn’t ask her to pay for.”
Super reasonable — but not to her SIL. "She called us selfish and said we’d get to explain to her kids why they didn’t get to go to Universal and their cousins did."
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OP said her husband ended the call, but that didn’t end the conversation.
"My husband hung up on her and shortly after got a call from his brother saying pretty much the same," OP explained. "He said $800 won’t break us, but their sister would never be able to save that much."
She continued to share that her brother-in-law isn’t wrong, they could afford to pay for it with credit cards, but that’s not something they’re willing to do for something that’s not an emergency. In the comments, OP answered a few questions and said this isn’t about the kids coming over.
"If the kids are in an uncomfortable environment and we can keep them away from that for a few weeks, we’re 100% happy to do that," she admitted. "But we just need them to come a little later. None of this is the kids’ fault so we don’t want to punish them."
OP then asked Reddit if she’s really the a--hole for not paying for her SIL’s kids.
"She sounds SO entitled," one person wrote. "$800 is a LOT of money to ask for on a whim (seriously, that’s my mortgage payment for the month) and your brother also needs to butt out of it unless he’s going to pony up that change."
"You aren’t obligated to take your SIL’s children on your family vacation and you certainly aren’t obligated to pay for it," another person commented. "Would it have been nice if everything worked out that way? Sure. Sounds like those kids have it rough. Does it in any way mean you should pay $800 and overburden your family? Of course not."
"Your sister is being straight-up entitled," someone else added. "You are not responsible for her kids, SHE IS. Maybe you should be less ‘available’ for sudden impositions -'oh by the way I expect you to take care of my children for three weeks and cover all expenses' announcements. Draw your boundaries a little more strongly so she sees what is acceptable and what is not."
"Your in laws are acting entitled and rude," another person pointed out. "It’s kind of you to consider taking their kids at all, but you are in no way obligated to let them stay with you (you weren’t even asked!!) or to take them on your preplanned vacations. Your BIL and SIL need a reality check."
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