What to Know
There are certain types of people you worry about your kids meeting or dating someday, well before they’ve met truly toxic individuals. And one man whose advice on TikTok was shared by another user on the app shows just what to look out for. In the video, a man by the name of Mr. Rupp, a high school English teacher, responds to toxic rhetoric from a man’s video where he explains how people can abide by their partner’s wishes and give in to their insecurities without being “controlled” by them. Sure, Jan.
And that’s just for starters. The advice of sorts that the unnamed man gives in his part of the video, which Mr. Rupp splices in with his as he comments on the problematic language and behavior, goes into giving in to a partner who doesn’t want you to go out with friends, and following a partner’s suggestion on who to follow and who not to follow on social media. Luckily, Mr. Rupp explains why everything this guy said through his toxic masculinity is just plain awful and wrong.
Don’t worry, he’s not “controlling or toxic,” according to himself.
@hashtagjrupp An analysis of isolation rhetoric #learnontiktok #teacher #teachersoftiktok #manipulation #greenscreenvideo ♬ original sound – MR RUPP™️
In the original video that Mr. Rupp shares commentary on, the unnamed man explains, “I think we’re just gonna rip off the Band-Aid and go straight into this one. Yeah, but it is not controlling or toxic, as a lot of people would call it, to listen to your partners once, or their thoughts.”
Mr. Rupp sarcastically says that the guy seems totally reasonable. Then, of course, the rest of the statement plays out.
“When they say they would prefer if you didn’t go out to the bar with your single friends, that’s probably what’s best for you,” the man says, to which Mr. Rupp replies that he is sharing the video to show his daughters what to look out for in toxic men. Mr. Rupp explains that this man’s toxic masculinity “reframes restriction as being protective” and uses dominance but calls it wisdom instead.
The very Chad-like bro in the video continues, “Because think about it. Are your friends really going out just for themselves? Just to have a fun night, being single, dressing provocatively, getting some drinks, whatever, and not expecting some guys to come stare or hit it, hit on them or whatever? Are your friends really going out for themselves?”
Mr. Rupp points out that the Chad’s choice of words is called “loaded language” and that it’s “where you phrase things in a way that leads to a very natural conclusion.” Plenty of toxic men have this down to a science. The fact that this guy made a TikTok about it to educate women, and potentially other men, is actually scary.
At another point in the video, when the Chad says, “When your partner says, ‘hey, I’d prefer if you didn’t follow this person on Instagram,’ or, ‘hey, I’d prefer if you didn’t have Snapchat, because it’s a toxic app, and it’s not the best for my mental state,’ you should willingly un-follow or delete that app because it is affecting your partner’s mental state. Okay? You should be constantly reassuring your partner that you are in it for the long run, and you are in it for them and not for anyone else.”
According to Mr. Rupp (who, by this point, I would trust with my life), this rhetoric is called “emotional blackmail.” He explains that, by a man speaking this way to his partner, he is “weaponizing” his own vulnerability.
Mr. Rupp explains, “In less than 90 seconds, this went from ‘I just want what’s best for you’ to ‘you need to alter your world for my comfort, your friends are problematic, and if you don’t agree with me, you’re stupid.'”
The guy, who is still very Chad-like, advises the unknowing viewer of his TikTok, “Don’t be peacocking, or in a relationship while looking for something else at the same time, so you’re out there flaunting it just to fill a void.”
His toxic advice just continues to piggyback on the last thing he said and so on. It’s all about control at the end of the day, and even without Mr. Rupp’s help, we can see that.
