Teenage pregnancy is never an easy journey. From the moment the mom-to-be has to tell her parents, things can be really tough. Fortunately for some teen moms, they have loving families who will help them through their pregnancy and beyond. But sometimes families have secrets, and you never really know when the truth will come out.
A dad just found out that his 15-year-old daughter is pregnant. The news was shocking, but he and his wife are now faced with the difficult decision of telling their daughter some difficult news of their own. The teen girl has grown up believing she has a sister who is 16 years older than her. But the truth is, her sister is her mother, and she gave birth to her as a teenager. Now, their parents are trying to decide how to handle the delicate situation and went to Reddit’s TwoHotTakes for help.
More from CafeMom: I Was Depressed After Getting Pregnant as a Teenager — But Slowly I’m Finding My Way
Even though they grew up as sisters, the girls were never close.
The OP and his wife, Rose, are both 53. They had their daughter, Sarah, 31, when they were 22. Sarah then gave birth to Ellie, 15, as a teenager. At first, Sarah planned to terminate her pregnancy but she changed her mind. She never gave OP and his wife much information about the father and didn’t bond with Ellie at birth.
Sarah ended up asking her parents to adopt Ellie, which they did. They raised her and Sarah’s biological brother, Logan, as siblings. They always intended to tell Ellie she was adopted but never did.
“Sarah never became close with Ellie, not even as sisters. She moved out after the birth and lived with Roses sister. She has always shown sisterly love to her [brother] Logan, but never towards Ellie,” OP wrote. “There has always been conflicting feelings with Sarah I have seen posts on Sarah’s Instagram where she posted a picture of what was supposed to be the five of us, but Ellie was cut out. I confronted her about this and she says its too painful.”
Sarah got drunk one night and wanted to see her 'daughter.'
OP said he didn’t think much of it because she was intoxicated. She later learned from Sarah’s husband that she was depressed about several miscarriages and was told surrogacy would be the route to take. The couple welcomed twins, and Ellie has been a fantastic aunt. OP and Rose believed it was time to tell her about her mother so she could be a sister to the twins, but Sarah wasn’t ready.
Now Ellie is pregnant, and OP and Rose don’t know how to handle telling Sarah.
“We approached the situation calmly and have since met with the father and his parents. Ellie is insistent on keeping the baby. She is 3 months along,” OP shared. “We have not told Sarah yet, we do not know how to approach the situation, we dont know how she will be able to take it. Me and my wife are considering telling Ellie the truth but we need Sarah to be there.”
What should they do?
The family definitely planned to tell Ellie about Sarah, but they didn't expect her to become pregnant.
A lot of people thought the parents needed to talk about sex with their kids.
“Please discuss contraception with your son if you haven’t already. Also, why is her being pregnant a nudge to tell her she is your other daughter’s biological child? Wouldn’t that be a bit much just this second?” someone commented.
“Don’t just have ‘a talk’. Putting on a condom isn’t something you can learn from ‘a talk’. Get some bananas or a broom and jumbo pack of condoms and make sure the knows how to apply one,” someone else wrote. “In fact: your adopted daughter also still needs this lesson. Do you even know yourself? Also make sure there are plenty of condoms in the house and they’re accessible to your teenage kids.”
People spoke from experience.
“My mom started me on birth control at 15, didn’t have sex until almost 17. Op might need sex Ed since what they are doing and teaching isn’t working at all. Totally different situation…oof. both pregnant at 15,” another person commented. “I hope sarah is ok it sounds more like something bad happened to produce ellie. Probably why she doesn’t want it known yet.”
Another person, who got pregnant as a teen, shared her own advice. “I got pregnant at 16. I put my daughters on birth control when they were 14-15 and had regular, graphic conversations with them about sex, relationships and sexually transmitted infections. It was not a one time conversation.”
Redditors think Sarah was the least of the worries for OP and his wife.
“Sarah is irrelevant here. You are acting like you’re just looking after Ellie until Sarah wanted her back. You are Ellie’s parents,” the person commented. “You’ve raised her and you both need to sit down with Ellie’s and ask what her plans are with school, raising the baby, finances for the baby..You really need to step up here cos you’ve dropped the ball twice now.”
And there was more talk about pregnancy prevention.
“Jesus ducking Christ get your kids on contraception. Talk about generational curses,” someone else warned. “Your daughter deserves to know she’s adopted. She deserves to know the story of her life. Sarah is a grown up now. She needs to find a way of managing the fall out.”
Some people didn’t think that it was the right time to say anything about biological parents.
“Like, is Sarah stable enough to see her daughter/sister experiencing a different version of what Sarah lived through herself? And if she isn’t, what form might her explosion/implosion take?” another person commented.
Others agreed.
“I wouldn’t tell the 15 year old anything yet. I think until Sarah gets help and can finally deal with her inner demons, she should be the one to eventually tell her. I wish the best for ya and I do hope it works out!” another comment reads.
More from CafeMom: I Found Out on Facebook My Husband Is Married to Another Woman After He Gave Me an STD
The family has a lot to unpack.
Perhaps it is time for OP and his family to reach out to some professionals to help with this unique and delicate situation. Online forums are effective for getting quick feedback and some advice, but it might be a good idea to get real help from experts.
