It is always heartbreaking when a relationship ends. No matter how you feel toward that person when things start to sour, it can be tough to grapple with the fact that this was someone you once loved and have a history with. Breakups when you have kids are the worst, but it is always nice when you can settle things amicably.
A woman who was on Reddit's Relationships and Advice forum says her marriage was crumbling, but she had no idea how bad things were until she was scrolling Facebook and saw a picture of her husband with another woman. Through a bit of creeping, the original poster discovered that he was actually living a double life.
Her husband was married to the other woman and he had a baby with her, all while they were still married. Now, he's being a total jerk about supporting their children and just wants to move on with his new wife and family. OP is heartbroken.
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The couple has been married for a decade.
During their 10-year marriage, the couple welcomed two children. Things seemed to be OK. OP explained that her husband traveled a lot and brought her home a gift not too long ago. "I also want to say that about 8 months ago I discovered that I was infected with an incurable STD; He blamed me for this, saying that I was the unfaithful one." Heartbroken, she moved forward.
But one night, she got a total shock while scrolling a mom's group on Facebook. She discovered a picture of her husband with another woman. "I started watching and apparently they got married civilly, my husband created another profile but has a different name and surname. I think that child has his false last name because she uploaded a post when she went to register the child's birth certificate and placed the full name there as if she were proud of it," she explained.
She figured the woman had no idea her 'husband' was already married.
She reached out to break the news to the other woman gently. OP was shocked when she found out that she did know, and they had been together for two years. The couple also share a 14-month-old baby. She confronted her husband, who acted like a total jerk.
"I hired a lawyer, I took all the evidence, and I am in the divorce process, since when I complained he preferred her, he left the house to live with her. Besides, he refuses to give alimony, claiming that he has another child to support, and that if he has to give alimony to my children, he will seek the minimum payment even if he has to quit his job," she explained.
Now she wants some advice about how to move on and start over, adding, "I feel very limited in rebuilding my life because of the STD and my children."
Redditors tried to ease OP's mind.
Some were in similar situations and gave a bit of advice.
"My ex husband quit his job and tried that bs," one person commented. "The courts implemented his income to 40 hrs a wk at min wage . Lol also the state I live in they add and configure the child support amount by both parties income. The more income the higher the child support. My ex was unaware , told me to make sure I put all my income as I subcontracted along with my reg job . So I did and got far more than I thought . Men are idiots when they think they don't have to and try not to pay child support through the courts."
Others reminded her that the courts aren't so easily fooled.
"If someone is underemployed on purpose (like quitting your high-salary career to work some random minimum wage job to obviously avoid paying more support) then the order can be based on "imputed income" – meaning the amount that you're actually capable of paying," another comment reads. "It's a deterrent for those types of shenanigans."
Lots of people wanted to talk about the STD.
Cheating is one thing, but infecting someone with an incurable sexually transmitted disease is just next level.
One Redditor gave OP hope and wanted her to out her husband and his mistress on Facebook: "Let the alleged wife know he gave you an STD. Have your lawyers blow his world up. Then let the Facebook group know she knew."
Another person said that her ex should be held accountable for all of it. "Honestly, there's a good Adam Knows Everything episode about STDs (Netflix?)," the Redditor wrote. "He should pay for infecting you via the court system, but I don't think it will keep you from finding someone who treats your properly when you are ready to date again. I think it's common and as long as you are honest with a new partner and try to stay healthy, you'll be [golden]."
"And about him infecting you with an STD," another person wrote. "I'm so sorry OP this sounds horrid. I hope you take him for all he's worth."
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Hopefully, OP can move on and live a happy life.
This situation is horrible, and no one deserves to be treated the way OP's husband treated her. But she and her kids can live a very happy life without him. And as one Redditor warned, what goes around, comes around.
"I feel sorry for you and karma will get them both in the end it hurts now and you might feel like you lost everything but them babies is all you need and to let the law get his a– he will do her the same way I would no longer contact him or her and go through the law for everything," the person suggested.
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