There are a lot of things that need to be ironed out when it comes to co-parenting, and the situational setup likely looks different for each family. Transitioning to co-parenting isn’t always easy and things can get pretty bad quickly when there’s a lack of communication or a disconnect in expectations.
It sounds like something that one mom is experiencing, and she took to TikTok to air out a specific frustration.
A TikTok user who goes by Allie – Realistic Mother (@allie.marie_) called out co-parents in a video that’s gone viral.
“Disrespectfully, if a child has to pack a bag to stay at your house, it’s not co-parenting, it’s babysitting,” the text on the screen reads.
In the video, Allie is packing up a backpack for her kids.
As she’s filling up the bag, Allie shows the camera what she’s adding, including medicine, diaper cream, toothbrush, toothpaste, and a pacifier.
The video is short, only 13 seconds long, but she gets her point across with the text, as well as via the song she chose to use in her video.
The song 'You Should Be Sad' by Halsey plays in the clip.
In the caption, Allie wrote, “Disrespectfully…” with some added hashtags including “co parenting,” “counter parenting,” and “toxic baby daddy.”
Her video quickly went viral and started a very heated discussion and debate in the comment section.
"I just agree. I have so many thoughts on this for my situation that I can’t sort them out," one person wrote.
“My daughter goes to her grandparents house on the weekends with the clothes on her back,” shared someone else. “They have everything she needs.”
“Exactly. And I hate sending clothes because they very rarely came back with them and ALWAYS no socks,” shared someone else.
“Amen!! I pack everything for my daughter to go stay at her dad’s for 7 days!” another frustrated parent explained. “He provides nothing but a bed for her. No meds, no toiletries, nothing!”
Other people got upset and didn’t agree with Allie’s perspective.
“I'm a mum of 3 (co parenting 1 of those 3 kids), & a stepmum of 1,” one person responded. “I strongly disagree with this. It's overall contribution that's important.”
“If the bag your packing is that empty I’d even say you aren’t parenting,” quipped someone else, which led to Allie explaining that this was just one of many bags she was packing for her four kids to go to their dad’s house.
“Step mom here,” another commenter pointed out. “His girls have girls’ clothes here sometimes I wish they brought clothes from moms to wear back. We don’t get our clothes back.”
“I understand your point,” someone else began a comment. “I’ve been through this with two sets of kids. Sure is it inconvenient but it’s for the comfort of your child!”
Allie posted several follow-up videos in response to some of the questions and comments left on her initial video.
In one clip she responded that not getting the clothing back that she sends to her kids’ dad’s house is more than just frustrating; it’s disrespectful and expensive.
@allie.marie__ I will let my kids form their own opinion of their dad, thats their right. But they WILL KNOW mommy was always their for them ❤️ #fyp #coparenting #counterparenting #toxicbabydaddy #coparent #foryoupage ♬ Boundless Worship – Josué Novais Piano Worship
She also took aim at the people in the comment section calling her names, posting a video that explains all that matters to her is that her kids know she was always there.
And in another video, Allie expanded on what she means about the necessities packed in the bag, saying that her frustration isn’t for things like coats or prescription medications. Instead, it’s for the everyday things like toothpaste, a toothbrush, her child’s pacifier, etc.
She finishes her video by reiterating her belief on a parent verses a babysitter.
“If you cannot be providing the basic necessities for your child — the child that you chose to have — the child that is just as much biologically yours one to the other, you're not a parent, you are a babysitter,” she said, adding that her mind won’t ever be changed from that perspective.
