Bacon lovers of the world, go eat your chocolate bacon and drink your bacon latte. But please, in the name of all that keeps your kid from getting his butt kicked on the playground, please do not name your child Bacon.
What? That's ludicrous, you say? Who would even think of such a thing? Apparently the folks at Baby Names World, the baby naming component of Parents Connect. They have Bacon listed as a possible moniker for a little boy, with the meaning "Preparer of seller of pork." And we thought bacon jumped the shark with the ice cream.
Their only evidence that this is a good idea seems to be Sir Francis Bacon, you know, the guy conspiracy theorists think was the real Shakespeare. Anyhoo, he's their one shining example; a man whose last name was Bacon.
I had an elementary school teacher who shared that unfortunate surname. In true elementary school form, we called her Miss Bacon and Eggs. What? We were 6. It was the 1980s, and the bacon age had yet to fell American gourmands. We had never heard of bacon vodka or bacon bandages. We thought we were hilarious.
That eye roll you just did? That's the mentality you'll be sending little Bacon Smith into if you buy into a trend. If you're lucky, the Beggin' Strips commercial will be long gone by the time they hit kindergarten. No one will be screaming "It's Bacoooon!" But they'll still have bacon fat and bacon grease to contend with, plus the fun of dissecting a fetal pig in ninth grade while everyone screams "Hey, Bacon!" And what happens when they apply for a job, and the HR department writes off that application as an elaborate prank? You might as well name them Ben Dover or Amanda Hugenkiss for the respect that one will get you.
So who would do this? My guess is someone who thinks naming the child they'll love after something they adore is the ultimate nod to just how much they adore it. I once interviewed a couple who named their child Fenway — like the Red Sox ballpark — because they had to keep the Beantown fever alive. At least they had the good sense to make it her middle name.
Would you name your child after a favorite food?
Image via uberculture/Flickr
