If I were honest, I would have to say I've always been a wee bit competitive. I didn't want to get "good" grades as a kid. I wanted to be at the top of the class. I didn't want to get into an "OK" college, I was shooting for one of the top schools in the country. And so on and so forth. But I never knew what the word competition meant until I became a mom.
Since giving birth to my daughter, I've learned that mothers will take any opportunity to one up one another. Don't believe me? This week I read about parents who were challenging one another on whose baby's poop smelled better.
Really.
Can we talk about this, moms? Specifically about how STUPID all these "mompetitions" (yup, it's in the Urban Dictionary) make us look?
You may think you "won" something when your kid walks at 9 months and hers at 10, but what exactly is it she's losing … huh? Next time you are tempted to go into a full on "my kid takes a crap and unicorns come running out" brag, I want you to think of the following, m'kay?
Have you heard moms getting competitive about #4? What do you say?
Image via C.J. Burton/Corbis
Who Walked First?
WHAT? Your baby wasn't walking by 9 months? Better start a dry cleaning fund NOW cause your future Wall Street tycoon is gonna have some hellish stains on those knees.
Pacifiers
Her baby self-soothed from the SECOND she came out, but alas your son is never going to learn to talk with that plug in his mouth.
She Rolled Over When?
Her baby rolled over at just 2 months, and yours didn't? Well, at least you can still hold out hope that he'll become his fraternity's Planking Champion, right?
First Smile
Her daughter smiled at 1 month, and no, it was NOT just gas. Your daughter didn't? She'll never EVER attract a man with a sour puss like that? Sigh.
Independence
Her baby is so independent that she's already dressing herself at 14 months. Time to cut the apron strings on your clingy little wallflower … unless you want him to always like the leash?
Diaper Blowouts
When her daughter poops, it's an explosion. There is s–t everywhere. And your daughter came up with THAT? Come on … a mouse could do better!
Drinking From a Sippy Cup
Her baby started on the sippy cup at 6 months; as for yours, well, at least he won't spill coffee on his tie with that thing …
Potty Training
Elimination communication worked for her, and her 1-year-old only goes on the potty, but hey, at least your son will always stand out in a crowd.
