TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains information about stillbirth, which may be triggering to some.
A great doctor can be life-changing or even life-saving when we need medical help or to figure out how to treat an illness or injury. A trusted doctor can improve our health and quality of life. But in order for doctors to be truly great and trustworthy, they need to have more than just a brain for science and the ability to deal with all kinds of bodily functions without getting queasy. They must, first and foremost, have the ability to LISTEN to their patients and to take their medical issues seriously.
Unfortunately, there is a long history of doctors who don't take women's pain seriously or who are quick to rush to a diagnosis without taking enough time to truly understand what is going on. We've talked to 17 women who agreed to anonymously share their stories of the times they found themselves wishing doctors would have listened to them and the sometimes tragic results that happened when they didn't.
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It Wasn't Eczema
"I noticed a patch of skin on the back of my neck that was a different color than the rest of my skin. I showed it to my doctor and said I was concerned about it but he said it was just some eczema and not to worry about it unless it started to itch. I kept saying I didn't think that was it, because I'd never had eczema before, but he didn't listen.
"It turned out that it was actually a skin changed associated with diabetes and I probably would have gotten diagnosed with diabetes (and started treatment) years earlier if he had listened."
Period Pain
"The thing that p—es me off is that my story is super common. I have endometriosis and it took years to get diagnosed because so many doctors didn't listen and just said it was basically just normal period pain."
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Too Successful for ADHD
"After going through the process of having my son diagnosed with ADHD, it started clicking with me that I probably had it too. Not only is there a possible genetic link but I've had issues with impulse control and hyperfocus most of my life. I brought this up to my doctor but he really didn't listen and basically said I was 'too successful' to have ADHD. I felt so dismissed."
Tragically Wrong
"When I was 38 weeks pregnant, I just had a feeling something was wrong. I called into my OB's office and talked to her and she asked me a few quick questions and told me that I was probably just feeling anxious. I should have pushed for an appointment but she said we could just keep the one I had, which was a few days away.
"When I went to that appointment, we learned that the baby had died. I ended up having a stillbirth and I will always wonder if it could have been prevented if she'd had me come in that day. What if she'd listen to my feeling?"
Missed Mole
"I got my routine physical and mentioned that I'd noticed a new mole on my shoulder. I don't know if my doctor didn't hear me or just didn't listen, but it didn't get flagged at that appointment. Yep. It was skin cancer and it didn't end up getting diagnosed until months later."
Surprise Pregnancy
"I'm a fat woman. I asked my doctor if the birth control pills I was on were as effective on larger body people and she pooh-poohed my concern. I was pregnant three months later."
Dental Drama
"I went to the dentist for tooth pain and he said I needed a root canal. I said it didn't feel like it was a cavity but he kinda dismissed it. I ended up getting the root canal and it turned out there was nothing wrong with my tooth. I had a massive sinus infection."
An Anxious Girl
"Told my doctor about some symptoms I was having (racing heart, sleeping issues, etc.) and he said it sounded like I was 'an anxious girl.' Please note I was 29 at the time. I kept saying I didn't think it was anxiety and he just wanted to give me a scrip for anti-anxiety meds. Long story short, I ended up seeing a different doctor and I was diagnosed with an adrenal gland disorder."
Too Fat For That
"Finally got up the courage to tell my doctor that I thought I had an eating disorder. Brought in a whole journal that tracked my restricting behavior. He just looked at me and said, basically, that I was too fat to have an eating disorder."
Too Late Now
"I had a talk with my gyn when I was like 28 or 29 and said that having kids was super important to me and I was worried about running out of time. She was like 'You have plenty of time. Don't worry!' and I feel like she didn't really listen to how important it was to me. I'm 37 now, trying to get pregnant, and I feel like I wasted time I didn't have."
A Weighty Issue
"I started gaining weight and losing hair and my doctor just, like, didn't believe me when I said I was working out all the time and my diet hadn't changed. Kept telling me that I just needed to eat more vegetables and I was a vegetarian at the time! It was PCOS."
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Don't Sneeze!
"I'm a physical therapist and I see so many women who need pelvic floor therapy and whose doctors are basically just like 'Don't sneeze!' and ignoring that they have urine leakage. That isn't normal and it can be fixed, but doctors need to listen."
The Bloat
"I was having lots of gut issues. Bloating, bad poops, gas pains. I told my doctor and he basically said my diet sucked and I needed to eat more fiber. It ended up being IBS and not a lack of broccoli."
No Sleep for the Weary
"I started having lots of weird things and was struggling really hard with sleep. Could not get a full night sleep for love or money. My doctor said it was anxiety or stress and I said 'No, I've had anxiety. This isn't that,' but he just fluttered his hands at me. I ended up having a tumor on my pituitary gland."
Bad Drugs
"Went in for a fairly basic procedure. He asked me if I had drug allergies. I told him I did and what I was allergic to. He either didn't listen or didn't document it, but I ended up getting that in my IV and having a terrible allergic reaction."
Endo Queen
"I'm another endo queen who took forever to get diagnosed. I heard once that it takes on average something like 4-10 years to get an endometriosis diagnosis because doctors don't effing listen."
Baby Blues
"This was 20 years ago, so maybe it would be different now, but I think my doctor didn't listen to me when I was a new mom and was really struggling. He said I was tired and had 'baby blues' but it was really pretty serious depression. I didn't get any help until I was basically suicidal."
*Disclaimer: The advice on CafeMom.com is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
