We’re all guilty of saying “When I have kids, I’m never going to make them eat Brussels sprouts” or whatever it is at that moment. And then one day, we’re sitting at the kitchen table begging a child to take just one bite of a Brussels sprout. It’s kind of wild to imagine that you have become the person you said you’d never be. Sadly, sometimes we have to make parenting rules to keep ourselves from totally going insane. Because even though you always said you’d let your kid express themselves freely, how many times can you let them out of the house wearing the same shirt before you worry people are judging you?
If you’ve found yourself telling your kid that no, you don’t need to keep every stick you found on your walk, there’s a Reddit thread for you. One parent asked what rules other parents have created that they never thought they’d have to. And commenters did not disappoint.
Sometimes we have to keep our kids safe, even if we want to give them autonomy.
The OP shared that because of safety concerns, they had to create rules about the stairs in their home. They live in an old home, and although their 4-year-old kid can go up just fine, he wants to go down the stairs with his arms full of things, which could be dangerous.
“We tried just saying to only take a couple down at a time so he can safely hold the handrail. He wouldn’t listen to that,” the person wrote. “We tried telling him to ask for help with big stuff, but then he’d want us to take things up and down a dozen times in an hour. So now we have upstairs only toys and downstairs only toys, as well as upstairs and downstairs blankets due to him being big into blanket forts. I never thought I’d be the kind of parent to make such an oddly strict rule, but I’m just trying to prevent my kid from falling down the stairs.”
Bringing wildlife into the house seems to be a popular issue.
“Toads stay outside,” one parent wrote. “We have a lot of toads roaming around our property. One day I was looking for something in my daughter’s room, opened a desk drawer, and found an attempt at a little toad habitat in there, complete with a dead toad. When I told her and her younger sister that I’d found the dead toad, her younger sister said, ‘which one?’”
Someone else shared that amphibians and bugs are things that get found in their home also.
“One of my middle kids brought in a ton of tree frogs in his cargo pants pockets and released them in the bathroom. Those were easier to release but still shocking to walk in and see like 15 frogs in my bathroom lol,” a parent shared. “My other son likes to find dead bugs and keep them in his pockets to [p]ut in his treasure box. He never kills them.but if he finds one dead somewhere it will go right into whatever pocket he can find.”
Swearing is also a place where parenting rules must be established.
“Cursing is ok if it’s in a song or if you hurt yourself, but not directed at people. I don’t curse at you then you don’t curse at me,” one parent wrote.
Another parent echoed that sentiment, writing, “You can curse in the house, but not outside it. And if you’re being a jerk, we lose all cursing privileges.”
The kitchen table isn’t a library.
“No books at the table! I am/was a bibliophile so I never thought I’d tell my kids to stop reading but my kids will bring books to the dinner table and read and ignore everything else.”
Boys will be boys, but not during dinner.
“I have three boys and a husband, I have a very strict ‘Shirts must be worn at the dinner table”’ rule. Followed up by the very necessary ‘No farting at the dinner table’ rule,” someone else chimed in.
Nature belongs outside in nature.
“We don’t have to bring any cool sticks or every stone home with us,” one parent wrote. Others were quick to reply, sharing their parenting rules around sticks, rocks, and other outdoor things.
“We have a three maximum – 3 stones OR 3 shells OR 3 sticks OR three cool leaves,” one person wrote.
“For us it’s ‘If you found it outside, it lives outside,’ so yes, they can bring home sticks and rocks, but they stay in the yard,” another parent shared.
We get it. You know long division.
“‘No math at the dinner table’ because the child was getting insufferable,” someone else wrote. “I’m glad you like math but stop interrupting people’s conversations to quiz them dude.”
Apparently, there are a lot of parenting rules about cats.
“The Cat does not want to wear clothes,” one person wrote. “Yes she allows her to put them on, sits for like 30 seconds, and then all hell breaks loose. Guess who has to remove the clothes… mom. And the cat is SPIKEY.”
Someone else added, “Cats do not want to eat food. Please stop trying to give the cats milk from your cup. We cannot put the cats in time out because they knocked over stuff from the counter.”
There’s a time and place for everything, and that place is your bedroom.
“You’re only allowed to play with your penis when you’re alone, and definitely don’t do it on the couch while we’re hosting a dinner party,” a parent shared.
This is the reverse of what our parents told us.
“Put your elbows on the table when you’re eating. Kid has the habit of slouching and leaning back,” one parent wrote. “When eating, if he spills something, it ends up over his shirt, the table chair or floor. And he spills frequently. If he puts his elbows on the table it helps support himself. And natural positions his body so crumbs fall on the plate.”
Keep away from stickers.
“Absolutely no stickers. Cashiers think I’m a monster but I don’t feel like scraping stickers off surfaces or ruining clothes because I didn’t see one on a shirt,” one parent fumed. “Even adults can’t resist sticking them where they don’t belong.”
