Is there anything more embarrassing than your teen catching you in a compromising position? Not only are you humiliated … you are horrified for your red-faced teen who probably wants to change his name and move to a foreign country. You got caught with your pants down doing something they understand. There's no cover-up option. There's no lying or explaining it away. "Honey, mommy and daddy were just wrestling" doesn't work on 15 year olds.
As cringe-worthy as it seems, communication is key, says Fran Walfish, Ph.D, an expert panelist on the WE television series Sex Box (premiering in early 2015).
"Most teenagers know what sex is whether you've told them or not," says Walfish. "They will be freaked out by the thought, worse yet the vision, of their parents having sex. The idea of their parents having intercourse makes most gag."
Still you do have to talk about the incident, says Walfish. But unless your teen has a radical reaction, it's okay to wait until the morning (or at least until you're fully dressed and less flustered) to have "the talk."
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Chances are, your kid will want to run the other way when you bring the whole parents-having-sex topic up, but you have to try. "Tell your teenager you know everyone accidentally had an awkward, embarrassing moment last night," she says. "Ask your teen if she has any thoughts or questions about what she saw. It's always better to confirm, adjust, add, delete, or tweak than to throw too much information at your kid."
In some cases, you can turn the entire thing into a teachable moment, depending on the intellectual and emotional maturity level of your child. "It is perfectly fine for parents to inform their teens that healthy marriages include sex but, for some, you can't do this when your kid accidentally walks in and catches you in the act," said Walfish. "It's too much information at one time to process. While for others, it's a great opportunity to springboard the conversation about healthy marriages."
After you talk it out, it's a good idea to put some "safety measures" in place. Next time you and your husband want to get it on, be sure to lock the door. Don't have a lock? Get one. Or ask your teen to knock before entering (he's probably been scared straight into staying away from your room for life, anyway).
But whatever you do, don't ignore what happened — it will only make things worse. Have the post-sex discussion and move on. That's exactly what your kid will want to do, too.
Have you ever been caught by your teen having sex? What did you do?
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