There's no shortage of Mother's Day cards out there in the world. Thanks to big-box stores and online print shops, it's pretty easy to find just about any kind of card for mom, from the sweet and sentimental to the snarky and wildly inappropriate. But, one thing most of these cards have in common is that they fail to thank moms for the sacrifices we're really making for our kids.
Motherhood isn't pretty. It's exhausting and it keeps us running around the clock. There are leaky boobs, perineal stitches, sleepless nights, poop (so much poop! and a good amount of pee and vomit, too!), as well as a million other tiny things we endure in order to make sure our kids stay happy and healthy. Like that not-hot-anymore cup of coffee we get to drink. Every. Single. Morning. Of. Our. Lives. Can't it just be hot once?
Is motherhood all bad? Of course it's not! We love it, and that's why we do it. But, a Hallmark card with some tender message in scrolling gold script about our wisdom and unconditional love just isn't going to cut it this year. That's why we've put together this lineup of unique, blatantly honest Mother's Day cards that give thanks for all the things moms really do behind the scenes — yes, even the gross stuff.
Here, 15 funny and totally honest cards that mom should actually get on Mother's Day.
In honor of your incontinence
Sure, it's not technically their fault. It's not like they did it on purpose. But the least they could do is apologize or sacrifice a few allowance dollars to your monthly panty liner fund. Sheesh.
From Birkin bag to barf bag
Hopefully this card comes with a little something-something from Nordstrom Rack.
A reminder to switch to iced coffee
Motherhood is beautiful and fulfilling, but cold coffee is the official drink of sadness. At least this card proves they're aware of the damage they're doing to your morning pick-me-up.
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Keeping it real
No one likes a generic Mother's Day card. That's why this one gets personal — *very* personal.
The gift that keeps on giving
You're also welcome for the stretch marks and all of the prematurely gray hairs you've sprouted since giving birth. Lucky you!
Straight from your wish list
A whole year without the dreaded search for the missing shoe? Granted, you might be late to everything now, since we all know how kids look for things. But it's the thought that counts, right?
I love you THIS much
That's a pretty big unit of measurement. It almost makes all the bruises on the soles of your feet seem worth it.
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Boobs got you down?
When your mood starts to sag, just remember: There are always push-up bras.
An inconvenient truth
You know you've done a good job parenting when your kids can openly and unabashedly acknowledge their shortcomings.
A moment of silence (literally)
All you really want is some peace and quiet. This card gives you that … for as long as you can successfully pretend you haven't finished reading it.
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Mmm ... tasty
The "… and gave you strep throat" is silent.
Mommy & me time?
You do a lot for your kids. Standing in the bathroom and cheering when you poop is just their way of giving back.
For the mom who's a total softy
Congratulations on your lack of follow-through. Don't worry — we're all suckers for our kids, too.
Not the "makeover" you had in mind
The best thing about having kids is getting to relive parts of your own childhood — like getting candy stuck all over you and being forced into an impromptu haircut.
You're truly one of a kind
It takes an even more special woman not to smack him in the face with your pillow every. single. time.
