5 Helpful Strategies for Children With Speech Disorders

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“We can hear you, but we can’t understand you.”

This harmless remark made my stomach flip. It shouldn’t have: I was speaking to colleagues during a conference call two weeks ago, and they kindly noted that the phone connection was muffled. Still, my mind couldn’t separate logic from emotion. I felt my cheeks flush warm and my hands became fidgety. We quickly fixed the connection issue, but I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. The incident evoked years of others not being able to understand me. 

I was one of nearly eight percent of American children ages 3 to 17 who have a speech disorder. In particular, I had difficulty clearly saying the letters “r,” “l”, and “s,” and as a result, strangers often couldn’t tell what I was saying. Teachers told me I said certain words incorrectly. Other children tried on my “accent” for fun. It made speaking seem like a burden and a chore — both to myself and to others — and those feelings haven't completely disappeared.

A variety of factors can cause speech sound disorders in children, including motor-based issues caused by muscle weakness or neurological factors, structural conditions or disorders such as cleft palate, Down syndrome, or sensory-based conditions such as a hearing impairment, according to the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association. However, for most children, the exact cause is unknown. Muscle weakness was the root cause of my speech sound disorder — an issue that my mother, cousin, and grandfather also experienced. But despite what we know about the risk factors for speech sound disorders, there are some questions you never have the answers to. 

In elementary school, a girl once bluntly asked, “Why do you talk that way?” At the time, in an effort to provide some sort of answer, I mumbled that it was because I was from Minnesota (my family had recently moved to California). I still wonder when she discovered that Minnesotans do in fact say their r’s.

Once during a shopping trip with my mom, a mall store clerk asked me a question. When I responded, she didn’t understand. She asked again, louder and slower. And then again. Eventually, she gave up and turned to my mom for a translation. I remember the feelings that left me with: that by speaking, I caused confusion; I caused discomfort; and that it might be best to leave the talking to others.

After these frustrating experiences, I knew I wanted to one day help other children who spoke differently. It led me to recently publish Malty the Blue Tiger (Marita la tigresita azul), a dual language children’s book about a tiger who doubts her roar when it’s criticized by another animal.

Kelsey Kloss

After hopelessly trying to hide her roar throughout the story by copying other animals, the tiger finds herself lost, and realizes the only thing that can help her reach her destination is her voice. Writing the story was a therapeutic way for me to tell children that even if they sound a little different from others — whether it’s due to a speech sound disorder or where they’re from — their voice is still powerful. It is still meaningful. And the world still needs it.

Kelsey Kloss

Throughout my experience, my parents and my sister were wonderfully supportive and understanding. Because of them, I was able to move past the self-doubts, and my shyness dissolved as my speech improved over the years. That reinforcement is crucial: One recent small study published in the Journal of Speech, Language, and Hearing Research found that even though children with speech and language disorders are at risk for difficulties with relationships, a positive social network and a sense of hope may help mitigate negative experiences associated with the child’s speech.

If your child has a speech sound disorder, April Johnson, MA, CCC-SLP, a speech-language pathologist at Lucile Packard Children's Hospital Stanford, and Ellen Braaten, PhD, a child psychologist at The Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds at Massachusetts General Hospital, recommend these strategies to secure that positive environment and help your child maintain confidence in his or her voice:

1. Give them time to speak. 

Because a child’s family members usually understand him or her best, it can be easy to rush in. “Some parents and siblings, especially older siblings, begin answering for the child,” says Johnson. “They want to protect the child, but helping your child have more confidence means you’re accepting their speech no matter how it sounds, and you’re giving them a shot at trying.”

2. Help them stay active in any conversation. 

If someone can’t understand your child, provide context but then re-involve the child. For instance: “Yes, that’s right, Sarah hit a home-run yesterday! Was that your first home-run, Sarah?” is a better approach than “Sarah is saying she hit a home-run. It’s her first one!”

3. Have a phrase you both agree on. 

Undoubtedly, others will sometimes point out how your child speaks. “If your child has a go-to phrase to answer with, it can help make the situation very matter-of-fact,” says Braaten. “It could be something such as, ‘You’re right, that is how I pronounce my r’s,’ or ‘Yes, I do speak with an accent.’”

4. Identify the difference between curiosity and bullying.

Just like in Malty the Blue Tiger, some may be more straightforward about your child’s way of speaking than others. “When a child asks, ‘Why do you talk like that?’, it’s really not bullying, it’s just kids being blunt,” says Braaten. “Normalize the fact that these things happen, but then also make sure your child is aware of when it crosses the line into bullying.” Red flags to look out for: remarks that occur more than once, comments that make your child feel inferior, exclusion of your child by other children in social activities, and of course, physical attacks.

5. Go to a speech pathologist early. 

Your family and friends may say that your child will grow out of an “accent,” but it’s never too early to go to a speech pathologist if you’re concerned your child isn’t reaching expected speech milestones. “If the child is developing within normal limits, the speech pathologist will tell the parents and they’ll have that peace of mind,” says Johnson. If not, you can start working on correcting those sounds with your child early on.

Ultimately, a child with a speech disorder craves to be understood. But it’s not always just in the form of speech: Sometimes, knowing that someone understands your experience can help you realize your voice is still worth being heard — even if it sounds a little different.

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