One of the hardest parts of becoming a parent is learning that everyone is going to have an opinion on how you care for your kids, especially when it comes to your health decisions and possible bad habits. Which is why when one mom saw a pregnant stranger in the park, puffing away on a cigarette, she struggled with whether she should say something or not. She later brought the dilemma up on the online parenting forum, Netmums, thinking that other moms would back up her decision to not confront the other mom. Little did she anticipate that it would spark a heated debate, with many users agreeing that whether another mother smokes during her pregnancy was none of this mom's business.
Danielle S. explained that she was so upset after seeing a pregnant mom smoking multiple cigarettes that she wanted to step in.
In her message on July 23, Danielle wrote that she had been taking a walk with her daughters in London when she first caught sight of the pregnant mom. "Firstly I noticed her hair," Danielle wrote, "and then how big her baby bump was."
"To my disbelief [a] huge cloud of smoke came out of her mouth she looked around 6-7 months pregnant and had her other 3 children with her who were young, [whom] she was smoking [next] to," she wrote. "I was so upset and angry and wanted to say something, I could not stop looking over at her she had two cigarettes in the 10 minutes we were there which she opening smoked and did not care."
Danielle admitted that she herself was a smoker, but made the decision that she would never smoke around her kids — which is when a lot of the other Netmums users made a quick U-turn away from Team Danielle.
"Each to their own but I don't think our poor life choices should be impacted on a child who doesn't have a choice to not be around it!" she wrote. "I really did not no what to do I wish I had said something … it has really disturbed me and I keep thinking about it maybe some of you might not think it's a big deal but whilst carrying a baby, I do not think you should be smoking!"
She asked if she'd be wrong to say something and people had strong opinions...
Although most know that smoking while pregnant is dangerous, many people feel like it isn't a stranger's place to get involved.
And many users brought up that as a smoker, Danielle was acting like a bit of a hypocrite.
Others pointed out that despite Danielle's concern, scolding the mom would have probably had "no impact on whether she continues to smoke."
According to the Centers for Disease Control, smoking while pregnant is associated with several health risks, including miscarriage, problems with the placenta, birth defects, low birth weight for the baby, and the most serious consequence of all, the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (or SIDS) which is when a newborn dies unexpectedly. "Smoking during pregnancy results in more than 1,000 infant deaths annually," the CDC confirms.
And while Danielle made the point that she doesn't smoke near her children, secondhand smoke is also cause for concern. The CDC notes that "secondhand smoke causes numerous health problems in infants and children, including more frequent and severe asthma attacks, respiratory infections, ear infections, and sudden infant death syndrome." And makes the distinction that "there is no risk-free level of exposure to secondhand smoke."
So while no parent should be smoking around their kids, this mom asked and the Internet answered: don't get involved.
Although take this with a grain of salt when deciding to say something if you see something — especially when a child's life is possibly at risk