When Adam Baker's daughter, Adelaide, turned 8 years old, she had one particularly special thing on her wish list: she wanted to get her ears pierced. So her dad made it happen. Baker and his wife researched the process, told their little girl her options, and took her to a local piercing and jewelry store in their city. Everything was going well until suddenly, Adelaide said no. She was afraid, and she didn't want to get her ears pierced anymore. It's how her dad responded in that moment that has the Internet applauding.
Baker posted a photo of his sweet daughter on Facebook and explained why she did notget her ears pierced that day.
"After picking out her earrings, getting into the chair, and as her ears were being prepped, her smile vanished," he wrote in his post. "Instead of excitement, there was fear. Tearful, she apologized and said, 'I don’t want to do it.' But, beloved, there is no apology necessary. You alone get to determine what anyone else does to your body."
Baker explained that they left the shop, no questions asked. And his daughter thanked him over and over again for listening to her. "There’s a reason that she kept saying, again and again, 'Thank you for understanding,'" he added. "Her voice has been heard. Her choice has been honored. Her body is her own, and she knows that those who love her will respect her choices. It’s never too early to begin emphasizing these realities and empowering these expectations."
Baker's post immediately caught the attention of his friends on Facebook and has since been shared more than 8,000 times.
Baker tells CafeMom there are a few important reasons his "dad instincts" kicked in during that moment. For one, he'd witnessed two female baristas at a coffee shop that morning talking about how uncomfortable they'd felt just a few minutes earlier when a male customer was leering at them and making sexual comments. That made things "a bit tense for me," Baker admits.
But the dad also has a personal history of working with kids whose bodily autonomy has not always been respected. Baker is currently a United Methodist pastor, but he tells CafeMom he used to work as a professional clinic counselor, providing support to at-risk youth, many of whom were victims of sexual abuse. His wife is also a former therapist.
"Essentially, we’ve been educating and empowering our kids to be aware of the fact that they are created and loved by God, who has made their bodies to have sacred worth, since they were born," he explains. "So, when our little girl looked at me with tears in her eyes about this, saying, 'I don’t want to do it,' all of that was in the background for me. I supported her because so many people aren’t supported in their ability to decide what others do to their bodies, and I never want our children to doubt that their parents love, listen, and stand with them."
Conversations about consent and how to empower children are often heated in the parenting world.
Parents on message boards and on social media argue about whether or not it's a "violation" to pierce a baby's ears when they're too young to consent. Earlier this year, a woman sparked a viral debate when she suggested seeking consent before changing a baby's diapers. The examples that go viral are often overblown, outrageous, and hotly debated.
But as Baker's post proves, the lesson really isn't about the ear piercing itself or diapers or any other random event the parenting community at large brings into it. We teach kids about consent, empowerment, and respect by honoring them in the same way that any of us would wish to be honored — by hearing them, by standing up for them, and by granting them the freedom and the ability to make choices about their own bodies.
Refreshingly, Baker's post has not been a source of heated debate. "I’ve mostly just fielded some messages urging me to take her to a professional piercer in the future," he tells CafeMom," suggestions which I appreciate. It shows a great degree of kindness and concern to message a complete stranger about something like this, and I’m thankful for their willingness."
As for Adelaide, the little girl did eventually decide to get her ears pierced — excitedly and on her own terms.
