For a couple trying to get pregnant, the negative pregnancy tests can be excruciating. Especially for a woman trying to conceive, it can be devastating and make you feel like your body is letting you down. This causes many determined women to search for answers. But for one hopeful mom-to-be the answer can be more painful than she ever imagined: it's her husband — and not her body — that's betraying her.
An anonymous man recently shared that his wife thinks they are trying to get pregnant -- but he's secretly sabotaging it.
In an intimate post on Reddit, the unnamed man shared his deep secret. He started off by explaining that he is in his late 20s while his wife is younger and they've been married for seven months. "My initial plan was to be married for two years and get established in our jobs, which are fairly new, then start trying for kids," he wrote. "I really do want them and I've expressed my concern to her, but she doesn't want to hear any of it. This person got pregnant, this person is due anytime, her friends from high school/college are having kids, etc."
"She wants a baby."
The pair dated for three years before getting married and now their sex life has taken a major turn. "The first two were a sex filled romp. My wife is a freak in bed and she sure showed it. After we got engaged, it slowed down a bit and she wasn't as freaky, but it was still satisfying," he wrote. "Now that we're married, she doesn't want anything intimate unless we are trying. If I say, 'Hey, wanna have sex,' or even attempt foreplay, she brushes me off…but…if I say, 'hey, let's make a baby!' she turns back into freak mode."
So now, he's using what she doesn't know against her.
"My wife is one of those that thought if a guy ejaculates inside a woman, she will become pregnant no matter what," he wrote. "She didn't realize about ovulation and peak times and whatnot."
So after she learned more about it, she asked her husband to download the Flo app to help chart her cycles and know peak ovulation time. "I did, but manipulated the whole thing," he wrote. "When she thinks she's ovulating, she's not and the chances of her getting pregnant are slim to none."
And as far as he's concerned, his wife has no idea that he's deceiving her. "Sometimes I'll tell her that her 'peak' day (highest chance of getting pregnant) is coming up in a few days so we should start early," he wrote. "We have crazy sex for 3-4 days in a row and then nothing while she's actually ovulating."
"I'm a bad person. I will eventually give her a baby. Just not anytime soon."
Naturally, many online had strong opinions about his confession.
Many saw this as a serious red flag for both of them and something needs to be done ASAP.
"HANG ONTO EVERY WORD. If she can’t or won’t see it rationally, and you are 'dealing' with her steamrolling by behaving passive aggressively, please find an individual family therapist and spill your guts," one person commented. "IF you decide that she is someone you’d marry tomorrow all over again, get both of you in to a marriage counselor. If you think it’s tough now, bringing a baby into this kind of dysfunction will be disastrous, only neither you or your wife will be paying the price. Your precious baby will be."
Others don't blame him.
"Yeah. No sex unless in baby making mode should be a deal breaker. Intimacy is the glue that binds your relationship. Serotonin and dopamine and oxytocin," another user commented. "Your marriage is circling the drain."
Others cant believe that he would lie about something like this.
"This sounds like the kind of lie that could really hurt your relationship if she found out. I know I would be devastated if somebody I trusted made a fool out of me like this instead of us openly communicating," another person wrote.
"This is also bordering on coercion…." one user added. "Won't have sex with me when I ask you to? Oh, let me lie to you and make it seem like we're trying to get pregnant. The fact that she doesn't consent to the first option, but consents to the second one, is what makes it coercive."
But many see both sides of the problem.
"Damn, not even a year into marriage and she’s too baby crazy to listen to your concerns about not wanting kids right now and you’re too immature to have a flat out conversation with your wife so you lie to her about her ovulation cycle to get your 'freak in the sheets' back,'" one person pointed out.
"I agree there is so much wrong about this on both sides," one person wrote. "It's not right for her to try to force you into parenthood before you're ready, and she should be more concerned with OP's intimate needs. OP is continuously lying and manipulating his wife, he probably doesn't realize how heartbreaking it can be for a woman to not be able to get pregnant."
And others weren't afraid to point out the obvious: There's a flaw with his plan.
"The rhythm method has a high error rate. Karma might come back to bite you in the ass," another user wrote.
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